Youth Elixir II: More Interesting Title Later
by evilspoofauthor1Sven
Summary: Chapter five up! The ranks of the five year olds are ever growning as two Naval Officers join them. Meanwhile, Norrington and Pellew have to get their Officers off the docks before someone sees all of them in their cute pink dresses. (grin)
1. County General is boring

YOUTH ELIXIR TWO--"MORE INTERESTING TITLE LATER"  
By Sven & Cassi (evilspoofauthors1&2.....who are laughing themselves silly about now...)  
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WARNING--Reading spoofs can cause pure insanity...proceed with caution.  
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**WHAT?! We told you what we'd call it. Who did not see in Cassi's Bio page, "Coming soon,  
Youth Elixir Two--More Interesting Title Later!?" We did not lie to you. You just weren't paying  
attention. Anyway.....this story will be quite amusing. We're bringing back the Youth Elixir and   
changing more people into children....only this time we're not going to County General.....we're   
going to the Caribbean.....(evil grin) I'll mention that we have a lot of notes written up for this.   
As well as for when we spoof Pirates of the Caribbean. This is the third breaktime spoof we have   
written the first are both under ER. One is the Youth Elixir one and the other is Jeffery.....the spider   
from "Arachnophobia." If you have no clue as to what we did before..go back and read them......  
we'll wait.. These wacky breaktime spoofs are done during the breaks of our spoofs.....DUH!   
Anyways, if you want to know more about where we got all the characters, read the spoofs. We   
have a lot of people who love them. If you really need a laugh, they really come in handy. Now   
I'll give you a brief outline of when this spoof takes place and who's going to be in it.**  
  
**Author's comments about anything in the story will be in between the little star things...like this  
sentence here. Oh yeah, I (Sven) am the one commenting. Not Cassi....Sven!**  
  
Short pause....Cassi's comments are in !@$#%$@#.....(grins) what? Couldn't help it.--Cassi  
  
**Try harder.** !@#$$##@ Yeah, sure...later.  
  
SIDE NOTE: If I were you, I'd read the long paragraph below, hidden within it are a lot of laughs.  
I just couldn't help myself. My paragraph has gone insane!  
  
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BRIEF OUTLINE OF WHEN THIS SPOOF TAKES PLACE AND WHO'S GOING TO BE IN IT  
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WARNING--Grown adults will be turned into five year olds and will wreck Port Royal and the   
Black Pearl. Proceed with extreme caution.  
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This spoof takes place during our next season. This takes place after the season change in   
ER....Romano has a Luke Skywalker type arm now....this also takes place before we rescued   
Romano. It will happen during a breaktime in "The Spoof of Magic" --parody of the second   
Xanth book "The Source of Magic" Which will be under ER....as Carter is the main star.....   
By this time Jeffery is long over and Jack Sparrow, AnaMaria, and Gibbs have been on set for   
awhile as well as Mr Cotton's Parrot. Also newcomers who I should mention since they'll have   
cameos. The Babysitters: Mallory Pike, Kristy Thomas, Jessi Ramsey, & Claudia Kishi.....and the   
annoying children they brought with them....(as if we didn't have enough already).. Claire Pike,   
Margo Pike, Adam Pike, Byron Pike, Jordan Pike, Becca Ramsey, Karen Brewer, Charlotte Johansen   
and of course Nicky Pike....Jack Sparrow's Assistant. **Isn't this interesting? Our Assistants   
have assistants......** !@#: We're so professional.  
I will also mention that by this time, both Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees are on set and set  
and they hate each other. Jason is his cyborg self and Freddy....well he doesn't have any more   
burns, thanks to healing elixir...**Yes, more elixir** And we burned his ridiculous sweater--see   
Jurassic III....it died screaming. He also has two black gloves with retractable adamantium claws.   
I will not mention what his talent is...yet! But he IS Cassi's Assistant...making him a protected   
species...  
**Hehehehehehehe** Anyway, that means he can't be killed. None of the Assistants or   
Assistant's Assistants can die. Let me name them here.   
  
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WARNING--Huge radioactive mutant humming birds are about to take over the world. Run for  
your lives!!! They plan to make the sky fall!! They will DESTROY us ALL!!!  
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SVEN'S ASSISTANTS--Chris Mason, Dor, Jack Sparrow, Lucy Knight, Pippin Took  
THE ASSISTANTS ASSISTANTS--Luka Kovac, Luis Ramone, Nicky Pike, & Jumper (a big spider)  
CASSI'S ASSISTANTS--Prince John, Robert Romano, Julian, Cosmo Renfro,   
Elixabeth"Lizzie"Corday, Freddy Krueger  
THE ASSISTANTS ASSISTANTS--Cassi's Assistants have not gotten around to having   
Assistants. They were too lazy to pick any....or they just didn't like anyone that much.  
  
**My Assistants are more spoiled. But then, one of them IS a king....his Assistant is the  
big spider**!@#: Wait, soon the Assistant's Assiatants will have Assistants.....then we're not  
sure where THAT will go.!@#  
  
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Alright, now that I finished with that, let's go on. Jack Sparrow's magic talent...which will be   
discovered sometime before this...not sure when. We haven't made up our minds yet. Oh right,   
you want me to go ahead and spit it out. **That would be messy** Wait.....for the people who  
don't read our spoofs and somehow never read the breaktime ones either. The magic talents come  
from Xanth. A book by Piers Anthony......books..(27) We've been in Xanth and have several  
Xanth Character in the Spoofs.....such as my assistant Dor....who can talk to things...yes I know   
any drunk can talk to things...but usually the wall, vase, hat, script...etc, doesn't talk back. Dor  
makes things talk.   
  
Everyone of our characters on our set have magic talents. I have a whole list and if you really   
want to know, check out the First Youth Elixir story. Several are mentioned there and also in the   
spoofs on the Xanth books as well as all the other recent spoof. Spike from Buffy...not the ghost  
one, that's a clone, we didn't want him to die, so we sent a clone...anyway, he can walk on anything  
formed by water....like clouds, water, ice, snow, steam.....you get the point.   
  
Oh right, my bad....you want to know Jack's talent.....which Jack? We have more then one...  
(ducks flying objects.) Alright already...... His talent is Magician Class.....see Xanth books if you   
want to find out what that means. Alright, he can use any talent for an hour at a time. However,   
he can use only ONE talent per hour and he can't use the same talent twice in one day. So after   
the hour is up, he can't use that talent until the next day. Oh yes, Lucy Knight **My assistant**   
a character from ER **They killed her....EVIL ER writters...they killed Romano too!! I wonder if   
Freddy is free to kill a few people...oh yeah, we brought Lucy back and we send a clone to die in   
Romano's place. We did the same thing with Mark Greene.** Anyway, Lucy as been dating Jack,   
when she first saw him in "A spoof of Chameleon" She leaped into his arms and asked him to   
marry her. She's a Johnny Depp fan. So is our friend and visiting author....Becca Montgomery.   
**See Chameleon** **Hi BECCA!!**  
  
Ahhhh....one more thing....at the end of Chameleon (which isn't written yet) a Stork will deliver a   
baby boy, to Dave Malucci and Jing-Mae Chen. Romano pushed them into a love spring. So they  
ended up summoning the stork....this is Xanth, people, don't stare as if there are purple killer   
monkeys eating your computer screen. **huh?** Wait another note, when "The Spoof of Magic"  
takes it's break, we bring back the rest of Jack Sparrow's crew, so they can go pirating. Alright  
let me get started.....Hopefully, I remembered everything that needs to be mentioned.   
  
Um....(thinks about it) Um...well Buffy and Spike are engaged.....see Chameleon....I believe I   
mentioned it in that. Time to start! Oh yeah, more that I forgot. The Lone Gunmen will be in this....  
as will Ardeth, Carter, Becca Montomery, Midnight Muse "Mid", Emerald Redfern "Emmy" and  
probably a lot more that will just show up. (coughSilvercough) So don't be too surprised when   
you start seeing half of our spoof set characters. Although this first section is mainly Author's   
and Assistants that plan this spoof out. As you'll see when I get around to starting.  
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WARNING: Use severe caution....due to spoof starting right here....beware insanity breaks may  
follow you home.  
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CHAPTER ONE: "COUNTY GENERAL IS BORING......LET'S WRECK SOMEWHERE ELSE"  
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SPOOFSET BREAKROOM **A comment here....basically this first section is ER, but since  
it goes into Port Royal and it's based around Jack Sparrow so it's under Pirates. So patience,   
he's not in it yet, but he will be. So don't worry about it. I hope some of you watch ER. You'll find  
this somewhat amusing!!**  
**********************  
  
Romano and Lizzie watched as Cassi and Sven threw darts at the dartboard, which was covered   
with pictures of "The Evil Nazi Dyke" (Kerry Weaver**DIE!! DIE!! EVIL NAZI DYKE!!!!!**)  
"Nice shot." He complemented Cassi, who had just hit "Nazi Dyke" between the eyes.  
  
"Thank you." Cassi replied, with a grin.  
  
Sven picked up a dart and aimed. Just as she started to throw, Lucy entered, distracting her and  
the dart hit the wall....well a picture on the wall. The dart had hit the Jack Sparrow's picture between  
the legs.  
  
"Bullseye! And he wasn't even on the dartboard!!" Cassi remarked, laughing.  
  
Sven eyed the picture and burst out laughing.  
  
Lucy winced, as she eyed the picture. "Ouch. Don't let him see that!"  
  
Cassi rolled her eyes. "At the moment he's out playing pirate. So I don't think we'll need to worry  
about him seeing it." She pointed out. **Knowing us....it'll probably still be there when we get   
back**  
  
Sven nodded. "Yeah, he wanted to take Nicky, but his parents said no. They wouldn't let him miss  
that much school."  
  
Lucy made a face. "He's always hanging out with that kid anyway! He didn't want to take ME with  
him!! Only that......"  
  
"You're only saying that, because you're jealous." Romano retorted.  
  
Lucy glared. "Watch it, I might do something evil to you." She shot back, and gave him the "Bizzer  
sign" (See Babysitter's Club)!@#: It's an insult thing the Pike boys thought up....it seems to be   
catching around the set.!@#  
  
Romano in mock horror. "Oh NO...NO!!! NOOO!! It's the BIZZER SIGN!!! (pauses) Give me a break!"  
He retorted, flatly.  
  
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WARNING--There will be more warnings in this spoof  
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Sven sighed. "I'm bored of this, my arms getting tired." She mused, thoughtfully. **It really  
would be now....I sprained it. It REALLY hurts. Which is why I'm typing and NOT writing or  
drawing. I've been working on the book I plan to publish.**  
  
Romano glared. "Don't even think about coming back to County General." He growled. "Unless  
you come on a day I'm NOT there! And only if you kill Kerry a few million times."  
  
Sven jumped to her feet. "REALLY?!" She exclaimed.  
  
Romano looked at her in annoyance. "NO!" While he thought that would be fun, he really didn't  
want to go back to the hospital right now. Too many things were going on.  
  
Sven stuck her tongue out, and rolled her eyes. "You're boring, anyway. I'm tired of trashing  
hospitals...they're not big enough. No, we have someone else in mind." She stated and eyed  
the picture of Jack Sparrow and Will "The Whelp" Turner. **More laughter, we're insane!**  
!@#: The Whelp was in the show....what can we say? It stuck. Know what's planned for the  
near future...we'll be watching Return of the King and shout out, "WHELP!" the minute Legolas  
enters the show....^_^....unless you're Sven, who only wants to see the preview for Spiderman2.!@#  
  
Lucy caught the look, and grinned. "COOL!! What are you going to do?!" She demanded, curious.   
**Well she'd better let that 'look' go, they don't take to captivity**   
  
Cassi gave a wide grin. "Youth Elixir: Take Two!"  
  
Romano looked up, interested. This sounded like fun and it would get his mind off of the hospital.  
"I'll help." He offered.   
  
Chris entered and survayed the group. "So, who's on the torture list this time?" He wanted to know.  
  
"Jack Sparrow." Lizzie informed him.  
  
Chris shook his head. "What about his talent?" Chris questioned.  
  
"He will probably be the first to remember and will then reek havoc on Port Royal....kinda like what   
Rob and Lizzie did to County General...just on a larger scale...oh yes, I'm sure Pippin will come   
around and play Jumanji as well. Jack will have the time of his life." Sven retorted, gleefully.  
  
Romano shook his head. Sometimes he really wondered about the two insane authors. Especially  
after they had brought in Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees. In all truth, though, he liked it on  
the spoofset more then he did in the hospital.  
  
"So this is another Youth Elixir?" Chris asked.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Yep, we LOVE turning people five years old. It's amusing."  
  
"How are we going to get them to drink it?" Lucy questioned, sounding somewhat curious.  
  
Romano smiled inwardly, knowing exactly what the answer to that question would be. After all  
this WAS Jack Sparrow they were talking about.  
  
Sven grinned. "You're forgetting one thing, Lucy." She told her.  
  
"What's that?" Lucy wanted to know.  
  
Sven's grin widened even more. " He's Captain Jack Sparrow. Get a bottle of rum and put 'Do not  
drink: May cause severe side-effects!' He'll drink it and so will his crew." She concluded.   
  
Romano laughed. "That tells us something about him and his crew doesn't it?" He retorted,   
considering it. "Remind me not to ever go there for a trip...bunch of morons."  
  
Lizzie nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"You mean like the fact that they all need yellow signs?" Chris announced, laughing.  
  
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WARNING--Beware of puns....they are out to get you!!  
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**Thanks to Piers Anthony and his readers.....I have a LONG list of puns!! Can you see what's   
coming?! We are SO gonna trash Port Royal...Can you imagine it? "Five Year old Pirates, sack  
Port Royal."** !@# Extra, extra...read all about it! Film at Eleven.!@#  
  
"I'll make sure to bring a few." Sven replied. (the yellow signs not the puns...puns are there anyway)  
  
"How are we going to get on the ship?" Lucy questioned.  
  
"I'll take care of that!" Dave spoke up, turning visible. "They won't even know I'm there."  
  
"WE!!! I CAN'T let you do that to Jack.......I'm HELPING!!" Lucy exclaimed. "Anything for Johnny  
Depp!"  
  
Sven rolled her eyes. "Poor Jack." She mused, sounding simpathetic. **A species of tics**  
  
Lucy made a face and laughed. "Alright, maybe I'm a little obsessed." She admitted.  
  
Romano let out a snort. "Yeah, we all remember you sitting in his lap."  
  
Lucy reddened. "Yeah........well....his lap was comfortable....." She trailed off and looked the other  
way.  
  
Langly cleared his throat. He was standing in the doorway grinning. "Shall I have my crew install  
cameras?" He asked, slyly.  
  
"I hate to break this to you, but they don't have video cameras in that time period. You're going  
to look very conspicuous setting those up." Chris pointed out, bluntly.  
  
"It shouldn't be too hard to disguise them." Romano countered. "Lucy's talent should come in   
handy for that."  
  
"What if they get arrested trying to put them up? And what will power them? They don't have  
electricity." Chris retorted.  
  
Cassi rolled her eyes. "Like that stopped Ardeth from having a Cell-phone in the Sahara Desert  
in 1934 with no cell-towers?" She pointed out. "They just work anyway. We don't ask how."  
  
"Besides, Lucy can turn them into cameras that don't need any power to operate them, and make  
them look like some sort of decoration." Romano added.  
  
Chris nodded. "Alright, good point." He admitted.  
  
"We're gonna need cameras on the Black Pearl and in Port Royal." Sven told Langly.  
  
Lucy's eyes widened. "Are you going to change Will Turner and his wife, Elizabeth?"   
  
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WARNING--The Squiggle-bugs are coming!! Only water can stop them!!! RUN RUN!!! Run to  
the nearest body of water.....the pollution in the water is the only thing that kills them!!! RUN TO  
YOUR NEAREST SEWER!   
**Cassi swallowed two pills with tea, while hearing this warning.....and she DIDN'T spit it out!!  
Nor did she choke on it. Don't try this at home.....you'll short out your keyboard.**!@# Cassi is  
a professional.!@#  
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"Eventually." Cassi answered.  
  
Romano raised an eyebrow. "Another Elizabeth?" He questioned. "Do we need any more  
of them?  
  
Lizzie elbowed him.  
  
"This one is married." Sven informed them. "To Legolas' human twin."  
  
Romano rolled his eyes, thinking of all the "twins" that currently congragated the spoofset. It was  
a good thing that the Authors had made spoof attendance optional for characters not acting. Other-  
wise the set would be extremely full. Actually, it was still pretty full. Considering how many actually  
lived in the adjoining apartment building that housed all the permanent members.   
  
"I have a twin?" Legolas asked from the doorway. He had obviously heard his name mentioned and  
had come to investigate.  
  
Cassi grinned. "Yeah, you know....Like Frank Donavan and Ardeth....or Ryan Gaerity and Samuel   
Gerard."  
  
"He's human then." Legolas mused.  
  
"With brown hair." Lucy added. "How's Tara?"  
  
Legolas smiled. "She's doing well. She loved the visit we took to see my kin. Most of them weren't  
happy that I was with a human."  
  
Rebecca Montgomery, better known as "Becca" entered. "What's this about humans?" She   
demanded.  
  
"We were talking about Will Turner and Legolas was telling us how his kin didn't like Tara, just   
because she's human." Sven supplied.   
  
Becca nodded. "Are you planning on torturing him?" She wanted to know.  
  
Romano shook his head. "Nah, we were saving that for Jack." He retorted, slyly.  
  
"Captain." Becca corrected.  
  
"Whatever." Romano shot back.  
  
Sven eyed the two and grinned. "Actually, most of the torture is for ONE person. The person who  
will get it the worst is....'Commodore Doofus Jackoff Norrington!" She announced, causing almost  
everyone in the room to laugh or stare.   
**Thank you Crying Child, we loved the name SO much, that we HAD to use it. We are going to   
drive that poor man stark raving mad!**  
  
"Is that his REAL name?" Romano asked, in utter disbelief. "Man, he must have been made fun of!"  
  
Cassi grinned. "Oh yeah, sure. He got made fun of a lot in school. Nobody wanted to be his friend.  
I mean would you want to be friends with someone that has a name like that?" She paused, and   
handed a yellow sign to Romano. "Here's your sign!"  
  
"Ha, ha....very funny!" Romano retorted, flatly. "So what's the Jackoff's real name?"  
  
Sven shook her head. "No that is not his real name. An Author by the name of 'Crying Child' came  
up with that one. His real name is James Norrington. He's the Commodore, and he's going to be  
turned five. We're gonna crack him!" She told them.  
  
"Are you going to torture Captain Jack?" Becca demanded, cutting into the conversation.   
  
"Maybe a little." Sven murmured, then smiled. "Then again, it might be funner if we DIDN'T make  
him forget."  
  
Cassi nodded, in agreement. "Let's not forget AnaMaria." She remarked. "I can see it. 'Five year  
old pirates sack Port Royal! Film at Eleven!'"  
  
Romano grinned watching the two insane Authors work. He always found it amusing to watch   
their creativity in progress. You never know what they'd come up with next.  
  
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WARNING--Stay away from your socks......they might punch you!  
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Lucy snickered. "Something tells me that Norrington is going to have a REALLY   
bad day." She mused.  
  
Romano frowned. "If Jack remembers his talent, he can change himself back into an adult." He   
pointed out. Which could ruin everything.  
  
"But he WON'T!" Lucy exclaimed. "As long as he's five, Norrington CAN'T hang him! He will  
be able to trash that town, without any consequences."  
  
Chris cleared his throat. "I don't plan on letting him have all the fun. I want to be five this time!!  
I say we help him!!"  
  
Julian entered. "Help who?" He wanted to know.  
  
"The Freaky Pirate." Legolas replied. "We're gonna turn him five...as well as a few others."  
  
"Really?" Dor questioned, following Julian in.  
  
"That's what he said, stupid!" A dart snapped. (breaking in half) Dor glared and the offending,   
broken dart, went silent.  
  
"This is going to be fun." Langly stated, with a laugh.  
  
Dave nodded. "I can get Lucy on the ship, and she can make the Youth Elixir rum."   
  
"So this is the next Youth Elixir?" Dor asked.  
  
"Yep." Sven replied, gleefully. "This is going to be fun. There won't be much left of Port Royal  
when we're done."  
  
"Let's make sure Pippin doesn't start Jumanji, again." Romano remarked, flatly. "Otherwise, there  
will NEVER be anything left."  
  
"Whatever...." Sven shot back. "Pippin does what he wants. Besides, he owes Stripe and Mohawk  
a rematch."  
  
Romano groaned. "So much for Port Royal having a chance of survival." He muttered.  
  
Sven grinned. "We don't like boredom....it would drive me crazy!"  
  
"Are we going to change Norrington five?" Lucy questioned.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Yeah, we plan on cracking him!!" She answered. "REALLY cracking him. By the  
time we're finished he'll be dancing the Can-can around a bonfire, singing 'A Pirate's Life For me.'"  
  
Romano raised an eyebrow. "Right....remind me to bring the video camera." He replied,  
thoughtfully. "The blackmail prices alone will skyrocket."  
  
Dave frowned. "How exactly are we going to get on the ship, anyway? Speederbikes are loud, and  
I can't make sound vanish." He admitted.  
  
Lucy girnned. "Why don't we tell Jack and let him help us? I can call him on my cellphone!" She  
announced, causing everyone in the room to stare. "What? It would help!"  
  
"Jack Sparrow has a cellphone?!" Romano demanded.  
  
'Captain." Becca corrected.  
  
"Whatever." Romano replied to Becca, and then turned back to Lucy. "As if Ardeth having one  
wasn't enough!"  
  
Lucy gave a sheepish look. "I gave him one."  
  
Sven sighed. "No, we teleport you. It'll work better. I don't want Jack to know until he's five."  
  
"Alright." Lucy agreed.  
  
"What's going on?" Freddy asked, from the doorway.  
  
"Nothing!" Chorused everyone in the room....which really made us all look VERY guilty.  
  
Freddy eyed the group. "Oh, yeah...I'm convinced. Nothing is going on." He retorted, sarcastically  
and sat down pointedly. "Now what's going on?"  
  
****************************************************************************  
FUN FACT-- Cassi does indeed have a floor underneath her beside table. She also discovered that  
there are two videos holding it up. However the videos were not good....thus explaining WHY   
they were holding up the table. More updates will follow.  
**Look! This ISN'T a WARNING!!**  
****************************************************************************  
RANDOM INSANITY BREAK# Yeah.....I know this is making this even more annoying. I didn't   
even put any spoof stuff between these two.......  
Here's a few reasons why helicarriers crash. So remember these the next time you have to ride in  
a helicarrier. You don't want this to happen to you.  
--One helicarrier crashed in San Francisco, under the assault of a giant radioactively-mutated  
tyrannosaur. Another crashed in the desert, thanks to sabotage by a swarm of super-intelligent  
cockroaches. And yet another had been reeling from damage wrought by a gamma-radiated man-  
monster known as the Abomination. So remember, keep all of this in your mind if you have to ride  
in a helicarrier.......  
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**I think I should mention, that I didn't create this insanity break. It comes from a book titled......  
"Spiderman: Revenge of the Sinister Six" written by Adam-Troy Castro. If anyone is interested, it  
one of the most humorous books I have ever read. Anyway, I thought I'd explain a few things.**  
**************************************************************************   
  
End section one.//Authors duck flying objects. WHAT?! We'll get Jack into it for the next   
section....but we need to know if you're really interested.  
  
FUN FACT: Cassi also learned that there was a CARPET in her closet! Cool, huh? It's almost   
White! By the way, Cassi is finally moving into her new room soon. The office is not yet close  
to being finished, so the computer is stuck in this awful closet for a bit longer. We swear the  
current room is the size of the future Office balcony....er upstairs porch....the place where Cassi   
can throw her cats out at night for making noise....it will be screened in and as the cats will refer  
to it....it's a "Giant WINDOW!!!!" My cats love windows and they've never had one that they   
can all play in at the same time.  
Anyhow, the more reviews we get, the faster Jack Sparrow gets into the story.  
BECCA: Captain.  
CASSI: Whatever.  
SVEN: Give us your reviews now! 


	2. Can't think of a good name for this chap...

PART TWO **Okay, I have to put this at the top......JACK has FINALLY made it into the story!**  
***************YES, a new section is FINALLY UP!!******************************  
Oooooooooooo!!! Another section of chaos......bring on the WARNINGS!!!! I plan on having a  
GREAT time with this.....oh yeah, all you peoples that want to be in this, need to send me what   
you want to do. I plan on getting to Jack in this section.......and I have only one thing to say....  
*************************************************************************  
WARNING: Drinking Rum is bad for your health.........  
**Jack better be glad that Jason isn't around, YET!!!! He's in the story, as I mentioned earlier.   
He thinks that drinking is bad for your health.....so he kills you for it.**  
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Alright, there's a few things that I forgot to mention....I told you I would. Somewhere in this   
spoof/story I will be bringing in at least one dead person that we have to bring to life. Anyway,  
the definite one is "Nancy Thompson" Anyone who has seen "A Nightmare on Elm Street"  
**the first one* or "A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors" Should know WHO  
she is. She was killed by Freddy at the end of The Dream Warriors. We're bringing her back....  
and (evil grin) someone *coughdrusillacough* might push them into a love spring..or rather just  
her and make Freddy the first male she sees.....**Why not? Drusilla pushed Jason in and dived  
in with him. Oh yeah, Jason and Drusilla Voorhees have a son, his name is "William Angelus   
Voorhees" **Cassi's idea, and it's a good one**   
  
Speaking of Cassi, she's up in her new room sleeping....she couldn't sleep last night, so she was   
exhausted by the time we left the Christmas dinner.....so she's sleeping.....(maybe, she does get   
insomnia) !@#: Cassi was not sleeping, she was laying down. For the record, I got to sleep at   
about 8:30 9:0) area....um AM, not PM. Christmas morning I went to sleep at 9am, and got up at   
noon, then went to bed at 8:30 the next morning.....and I REALLY hope they bring my sleeping  
pills home tomorrow!!! I ran out. On Christmas, it was Ireyna's fault I didn't sleep. I had to help her  
learn to use the sewing machine....at 5 in the morning. And if anyone mentions "Sewing Machine"  
I'm shooting them...and it. Ireyna doesn't follow directions well. I left four hours later.!@#  
  
Wait, again I've forgotten something. The other two dead people I will be bringing in....I don't  
know whether they'll make it in this one. Anyway, they are Linderman and Kia from "Freddy VS  
Jason" I had to get those two together....so we brought them back...or rather we WILL be   
bringing them back.....sooner or later.  
  
Hmmmm.....I guess I can try to continue. Ugh, pain pill has STILL not kicked in!! EVIL pill!!  
Alright, where were we? Oh yes, Freddy wanted to know what was going on. But FIRST!!!  
**********************************************************************  
  
RANDOM INSANITY BREAK# I know this is annoying. **Don't you just love my numbers?*  
  
Alright--I'm going to give you a few "Horror-Scopes" compiled by the editors and writers of  
"Mad"  
ARIES (The Ram....who likes to ram things, stay away from him)--Aries is the sign of the   
LEADER. You take command in any situation, and should anyone contest your claim to   
authority, you will apply tact, diplomacy, and sensitivity as you step on his face. While  
some might consider your intolerance, arrogance, and impatience as negative traits, you're  
fully aware that the time you save completing other peoples statements for them can be put  
to better use than having to sit through their worthless prattle, qualities well-suited for success  
as a: 1-History maker 2-Presidential Hopeful 3-Eunuch.   
In the first group, certainly Thomas Jefferson, Khrushchev, Charlemane, Otto Von Bismark.....  
(hmmmmm....actually I know another Otto who acts similar......Dr. Otto Octavius "Doc Ock")  
and Hugh Hefner listed right at the top.!@#: Will Turner.....cougheunuchcough..(grin)!@#  
While Eunuchs seem to be fairly uncommon of late, failure to mention Sergio,   
"I-Couldn't-Care-less" Aragones who has guarded some of the most celebrated harems in the  
world, from Sheik Abdul Ben Kayak **I bet he got made fun of in school** to Hugh Hefner,  
would render this category impotent.  
  
**Another note--My comments on "Doc Ocks" attitude....he loves to talk about how much  
of a genius he is................................I'm not kidding! I don't know what the MOVIE one will  
do, but I do know the comic book one.....REALLY well.....Spidey was my favorite comic book.  
So needless to say, I know quite a bit about his villians....especially those tied in with the  
Sinister Six...(Doc Ock is usually the leader of that group) Anyway, thought I'd explain my  
comment.**  
  
THIS CONCLUDES THIS LATEST INSANITY BREAK  
**********************************************************************  
**Aren't we SOOO consistant....we ended the last section with one of these and now we're  
starting the next section with one.**  
**********************************************************************  
**loud yawn.....uh-oh...something tells me that I will not be up much longer....only got about  
three or four hours of sleep and I might be going with my mom to see Dr Watson (um...he's   
a friend of ours from church, and since our mom is having a problem with her ankles and she  
can't get to our normal doctor (as he is out of town until AFTER Christmas) Anyway, she's   
going in to see him. Oh right, you STILL want me to start this section....ummmmm....not very  
much if I try. As I said, I'm gonna crash soon.**   
**********************************************************************  
GUESS WHAT?!: It's Christmas Eve......and I STILL haven't typed anything........I'm sure   
you could see that coming....well SORRY. I have things to do....like uh...go move heavy stuff..  
yeah, that's it.....  
**I'm actually serious....anyway, that's all for now**  
  
December 27th....Four O'Clock in the morning.........just one comment.....Two Towers Extended  
version....it's almost four hours long.....  
I'm spoofing the extended one....that was quite amusing....not only that, but we're  
bringing in Faramir, Eomer, that blond chick, a few more weirdos and of course TWO that  
we're bringing back from the dead...........Boromir (you had to know that one was coming) and  
Hal.....er Haldir....Cassi likes him and was pissed because they killed him. He's the elf from   
"Loth---whatever" that wasn't wearing a helmet.....why do the commanders not where helmets?  
Anyway, he's coming back. Cassi will be calling him "Hal" so get used to it. Anyway, this has  
nothing to do with spoof....why is it in here? You ask.....well I had to tell you that I wasn't gonna  
type tonight....sorry...but I don't want to be up till the sun starts rising..it is actually almost FIVE!  
I'm gonna go to bed......maybe I'll type to-- I mean later today, after I've had a few hours sleep.  
************************************************************************  
**Note to self.......stop looking things up online, when there are stories to be typed!**  
**HEY! I got a really good mugshot of Riddick....with the silver eyes showing!!**  
************************************************************************  
Dec. 29. (what?!) I will try to type in this soon....but I have to do another one right now. I have  
a REALLY bad headache and had to push down dinner....cuz (yes, I know it is spelled wrong!)  
if I didn't eat it, I would have made our mom mad and she wouldn't have eaten....get the picture....  
anyway, I also have to do dishes after dinner...so I'll be leaving for that too. I will type in this  
one when the painpills kick in....look at it this way, I type better when that happens....no pain!  
So I WILL have something typed tonight........*SOMETHING* see......(ducks flying objects...)  
KIDDING!!!! See, I'm in a good mood already....well I'm laughing....ugh...food didn't set so well.  
Arg.....puckernuts!.....oh right.....you don't understand that.....it's a common curse in the Elf Quest  
books....hehehehe...I got a whole bunch for Christmas!!!! Anyway, I'll get typing after I do the  
dishes and finish a little in another story......Becca remember the Animal Girl? The one on set  
was Krissy or Krissica if want the whole name....her mother Lissa or Lissandale is the one in  
the Iris story. The one I've been doing a little rough draft typing is....."The Story of Lissandale"  
I'll get to this one.  
It is now three o'clock in the morning.....now I'm typing a little........I found more pictures.....a   
really good one of Ardeth Bay.....anyway, where were we? Oh right, Freddy wanted to know  
what was going on.....  
Alright, more to add.......I have a few more that are DEFINETLY going to be in this......  
J. Jonah Jameson, Spidey, Carnage, Doom, Jeffery, Mohawk, Stripe & a bunch more, I just   
wanted to mention those ones. I also have another...but he comes in, in this section so wait  
and see.  
**Considering the name of this spoof the chapter title shouldn't phaze you.**  
************************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER TWO: I CAN'T THINK OF A TITLE FOR THIS SECTION--I GUESS THIS WORKS  
************************************************************************  
Freddy gave the entire room an impatient look......"Now what's going on?" He demanded.  
  
Lucy glared. "None of your business!" She snapped.  
  
"She's still mad because you killed Johnny Depp." Cassi informed him.  
  
"Nancy's boyfriend?" He questioned.  
  
"Yep." Sven answered.  
  
"Does he REALLY have to be here?" Lucy wanted to know.  
  
Cassi and Sven exchanged an evil grin.   
  
"YES!" Sven exclaimed, slyly.  
  
Freddy eyed them again. "Now, I'm getting worried." He mused.  
  
Romano glanced at the Authors and grinned, realizing what they were thinking. They intended  
to turn Freddy into a child.  
  
Chris laughed. "That's why they're called the EVIL Authors. They want you to be paranoid.   
They're great at messing with other peoples minds." He retorted.  
  
Lucy also eyed the Authors. "What are you two planing?" She demanded.  
  
Across the room, Becca was snickering.  
  
Cassi smiled. "We're doing what we do best. Anything and everything that is tied in with  
insanity!!" She proclaimed.  
  
Sven smirked. "Besides....Jason's coming."  
  
"I've changed my mind, I want nothing to do with this!" Freddy cut in. !@#: Freddy isn't really   
afraid of Jason, he just doesn't want to fight with him right now....and he does not yet have his  
talent...see ER VS the Breaktime Temper Tantrum.!@#  
  
"Too late!" Romano shot back. "Now you're stuck! Besides, you're not AFRAID of him are you?"  
  
Freddy stuck his lip out. "Of course not!!" He made another face. "I'm coming."  
  
"What are we going to call this "Adventure?" Lizzie questioned, sounding curious.  
  
"We'll consider a "More Interesting Title Later." Cassi answered, giving an amused look.  
**As you know the title, I'm sure you find this funny**  
  
"What exactly are we doing?" Freddy asked.  
  
Dor grinned. "We're turning a bunch of pirates into five year olds." He replied.  
  
"Not just the pirates!" Chris cut in. "There's a few others, even some of us.......like me."  
  
Freddy stared at him. "You actually WANT to be changed into a five year old?"  
  
Chris grinned again. "YES!! I saw how much fun the people at County General had! I want my  
chance!"  
  
************************************************************************  
WARNING: Anvils can fall from the sky at any time!! So keep your eyes open!! You never  
know when one might land on you.  
************************************************************************  
  
"Can I come?" Asked Jameson from the door. "I need a break.......besides my office is being  
repaired after the last Super Villian fight that took place in it."  
  
Romano raised an eyebrow. "Do your employees get combat pay?" He asked Jameson.  
  
Jameson made a face, but didn't answer.  
  
Sven shrugged. "Sure, just make sure the "Web-head" shows up. Maybe we can turn HIM  
five!" She suggested, slyly.  
  
Jameson gave a horrified look. "NO NOT THAT!!!! THAT would give me NIGHTMARES!!"  
He cried.  
  
"I'll keep that in mind......" Freddy muttered.  
  
"Aw! It would have been funny. Can you imagine the readers of the Daily Bugle seeing a   
picture of Spidey as a child? You'd sell out every copy." Sven told him.  
  
Jameson grinned. "REALLY? I can publish any pictures I get?" He demanded.  
  
Sven and Cassi nod and grin.  
  
"Good, make sure you get Dr Doom, too!" Jameson retorted.  
  
Sven considered that suggestion. "Hmmmm.....mini Doom....I wonder how much money we   
could make selling that video to the Fantastic Four."  
  
Jameson grinned. **Which is a strange and horrifying thought...See...he can crack a smile**  
"That sounds wonderful!"  
  
Cassi shook her head. "This should be amusing."  
  
"When are we leaving?" Becca wanted to know. "I want to see Captain Jack again."  
**************************************************************************  
FUNFACT: New Year's Eve! Cassi now has sleeping pills! I got them last night! This means I   
can sleep now! Ehhh, but not tonight. Tonight is for fireworks. ^_^ I'm still a pyro.   
Now back to our story. --Cassi  
**************************************************************************  
Sven moved over to Cassi and whispered something...Romano, being close enough, heard what  
was said.   
  
"Wait till Jolly Jameson finds out we're bringing in the movie Spidey...then he'll have to deal with  
TWO of them." Sven retorted, quietly.  
  
Cassi snickered. "That should be a sight." She whispered back.  
  
Romano shook his head in amusement.  
  
"When are we leaving?" Becca demanded, again.  
  
"Soon." Sven answered, and yawned. "Maybe after a nap.........."  
  
Lucy glared. "NO!! We have to do it NOW!!! Because I'm bored." She insisted.  
  
"You don't look like a board." A chair stated. "Boards are flat and boring."  
  
Romano made a face at the pun. Sometimes Dor's talent could be annoying.  
  
Dor caught his look and winced. "Sorry." He remarked apologetically.  
  
"Let's get this thing started." Cassi announced heading for the door, with Sven right behind her.  
"We have some partying to do!"  
**************************************************************************  
  
No this is NOT the end of the section......this is umm......an Insanity Break...yeah that's it! Here  
a brief paragraph from the Journal of Peter Parker/Spiderman (this is from the Movie tie-in from   
the movie version...got that. It's Peter's opinion of Jameson telling him he would send him   
Christmas Meat)  
"Christmas meat. There's something to live for. Knowing him, he'll wait until it's on sale for half  
price, like during Easter (eeww) It'll be delivered in a hazardous waste container. (double eeww)"  
  
**For Reference--The book was written by Peter David. This particular bit was taken from page  
202....the end of the 16th Chapter.**  
END THIS INSANITY BREAK **Now, I'm going to bed......BEFORE FOUR in the morning........  
IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!!!**  
*************************************************************************  
!@#: Cassi reads through this thing....Sven, you should call this section "Author's Comments"  
I think there's more Author's notes than there is story.....um, right sorry we have to leave now.  
(grins) We're off to get a video from Jeff.....It's MacGyver/Halloween Knights....we hope.!@#  
  
**Yeah, I know....but there were things that HAD to be mentioned. Don't worry, I cut out a  
few sections of notes. The rest have quite a bit of stuff that you readers really need to know!**  
  
!@#: New note....(grins) We have Halloween Knights!! (does a happy dance) Um, right, yes  
Becca and Amanda, we WILL copy it for you.....when we get there...**To all deprived people  
who don't know what this is, it's the best MacGyver/Murdoc episode there was! Mac carries  
Murdoc piggyback over big pit of snakes...while Murdoc freaks out**  
*************************************************************************  
**Alright, now where am I going next?.....Hmmmmmm....this is why I haven't gotten this section  
up yet. Ugh.....Reyna is in the room...being her annoying self...oh good. She left! ARG!!!!!!  
She came back and HAD to have something...so I had to dump everything on the dresser onto  
the floor for her and NOW I have a REALLY BAD HEADACHE!!!!!!! Don't know how much  
I can type at the moment!**Look....another note...blame Reyna...(insert REALLY bad word)**  
Pain pill just kicked in....and it's almost two in the morning.....have no fear.....I've been staying  
up late a lot....I've become a night owl...not only that, but I fell asleep this afternoon and didn't  
wake up as early as I planed. I'm not tired....and I know where to go next! To.........JACK!!! ^_^  
*************************************************************************  
  
MEANWHILE SOMEWHERE IN THE CARIBBEAN........  
  
Jack Sparrow gazed out at the ocean and was thinking about Lucy. Perhaps he should have  
brought her. He was always thinking about her lately. Which was strange, considering how  
their first meeting had gone. Lucy had leaped into his arms and asked him to marry her.  
**See Chameleon....the spoof...not the supervillian**  
  
Jack smiled and shook his head. Lucy was quite an interesting woman. He had enjoyed  
sacking Chicago with her during the last breaktime spoof.   
**See Jeffery...the story...not the spider**  
  
"Wha' are ye so amused abou'?" AnaMaria questioned, walking up beside him.  
  
"Jus' thinkin' abou' Lucy." He replied, with a sheepish look.  
  
AnaMaria laughed. "Why didn' ye bring 'er along?" She asked.  
  
Jack sighed and made a face. "Because I couldn' bring Nicky." He admitted.  
  
AnaMaria shook her head. "I luv tha' kid. He an' 'is family are fun ta be around." She retorted,  
with a wide grin. "All of those kids would make GREA' pirates! If we brough' in them all, we'd  
'ave a bigger crew. It would be grea'!"  
**Ooooo....beware....the "Pike Pirates!"**  
  
"Aye, some of the songs they sing......"Jack chuckled. "If only we ha' more crew members tha'  
were like tha'." !@#"Underware, underware, oh how I itch in my wooly underware"....yes, I'm   
serious!@#  
  
"Ya mean more "childish" crew members?" AnaMaria wanted to know, sounding amused.  
  
Jack nodded. "Aye. I' would be fun." He agreed.  
  
"Careful wha' ye wish fer......" AnaMaria warned. "Them SpoofAuthors may answer i' for ya."  
  
Jack winced. "Aye, they would. Oi saw the video from Coun'y General, when they turned every-  
one inta children. Although, Romano sure made i' look fun." He mused, thoughtfully.  
  
AnaMaria nodded. "Aye, tha' 'e did. Bu' we're on a ship....there aren' very many people ta mess  
around with."  
**(imitates Bugs Bunny)They don' know us very well, do they?**  
  
Jack made a face. "There's tha'. Too bad really. I' would 'ave been fun."  
  
"Don' le' Gibbs, or anyone else 'ear tha'. Gibbs doesn' care for the magic we've been gettin'  
from the Spoofse'." AnaMaria replied. "Tha' could ge' ya another mutiny."  
  
Jack shrugged. "I don' think i' works ou' 'ere, anyway. We 'ave ta be in Xanth or Spoofse'  
zone for tha'." He told her. "I think."  
  
AnaMaria sighed and headed back to the wheel. "Well, enjoy yer though's of Lucy, i' may  
be awhoile before ya see 'er again."  
  
Jack just shook his head and stared back out into the ocean, wondering what the EvilAuthors  
were doing. Could they be planning something? They had willingly given his crew back, without  
any questions. In fact they seemed to be quite eager about it. It wouldn't surprise him, if they   
could find a way to torture his crew. But then.........maybe that would bring Lucy. He frowned, and  
shook the thoughts from his head. This was ridiculas! The EvilAuthors wouldn't go to that sort  
of trouble, just to have a little fun.   
  
**************************************************************************  
And of course, what Jack didn't know, is....we will go to ANY trouble just to "have a little fun"  
So...he would finally get to see his crew act as he had considered.......ANNND....due to a snap of  
fingers, there were already cameras filming everything that was going on, on the Black Pearl.....  
**************************************************************************  
  
MEANWHILE....IN PORT ROYAL  
  
Langly and his crew, Byers, Frohike, Yves, and Jimmy Bond, were setting up the strange looking  
cameras, that Lucy had created to work with no electricity. They looked like beautiful decorations.  
So far they hadn't had any trouble. No one had stopped to ask what they were doing. They had  
walked past, barely glancing at the group.  
  
A few hours passed before anyone came to investigate. **Which really makes us wonder about  
the British Navy**  
  
"What exactly are you doing?" Asked a man who had to be in his mid to late thirties. He wore a   
fancy uniform with a white wig and a fancy hat which made him look kinda like an "eyescream" cone   
to Langly. Or rather the mundane version.....icecream.......The Xanth version being VERY noisy.  
**No joke, people. This is fact!**  
  
"We, Sir, were hired to beautify Port Royal." Langly answered, grandly. He was enjoying this   
acting.....perhaps he'd get an Oscar.  
  
The man frowned. "Who hired you?" He demanded, looking very annoyed.  
  
Langly shrugged. "Don't know. Our boss would be the one to talk to." He replied. This guy  
really needed to lighten up. He was acting like a dork.  
  
"And what is his name?" The Human Icecream cone asked. **Sven falls out of chair laughing**  
  
"John Carter, Sir." Langly answered, promptly. "DOCTOR John Carter."  
  
"And where is he?"   
  
"He's in Port Royal with his friend Ardeth Bay. Don't know where, said they wanted to see some  
of the sights." Langly told him. "If I see him, who shall I say is looking for him?"  
  
The Human Icecream Cone sighed. "I'm Commodore James Norrington." The man answered.  
  
Langly held back the laughter, remembering what the Evil Authors had called this guy. Of course  
that was the least of it. This was one of the ones they wanted to drive stark-raving mad. "Pleasure  
to meet you, Commodore." He managed to get out.  
  
Norrington nodded. "I think I'll be looking for this "doctor" of yours. What does he look like?"  
  
"Dark skin, tatoos, black robes, long hair..... His friend Ardeth has a similar appearence." Langly  
replied.  
  
Norrington frowned again. "Is he a pirate?" He demanded.  
  
Jimmy rolled his eyes. "He's a DOCTOR!!!" He retorted. "DUH! Langly just said that!"  
  
Langly burst out laughing, and covered Jimmy's mouth "NO!!! Of course he's not a pirate, only if   
he's acting and he's not. No, he comes from Egypt. They're Med-Jai." He informed him. "They're  
desert men."  
  
"Alright, he shouldn't be too hard to find. But I warn you, if I get any trouble from any of you,   
you'll be locked up." Norrington promised, before walking away.  
  
"He looks like an icecream cone." Frohike stated, making a face.  
  
Jimmy stared after him. "I dunno....he didn't scream much......"  
  
Byers gave him a brainduster. "You've been on that Spoofset TOO long. MUNDANE icecream...  
not XANTH!!"  
  
"He's a jerk." Yves retorted, flatly. "Ugh....I hope he's not always that annoying! I hope he's  
not like that when he gets on the set."  
  
"Well, his type seem to be the ones who crack first." Byers pointed out. "Look at Ardeth and  
Donovan."  
  
Langly nodded. "Oh yeah. I can't wait to see them crack him!" He retorted, watching as   
Commodore "Ice-Cream-Cone-Head" disapeared from view.  
  
**************************************************************************  
WARNING: Due to circumtances to complicated to explain the Author is in an insane mood....  
proceed with caution.  
**loud maniacal laughter**  
**************************************************************************  
WARNING: You have been warned!!  
**************************************************************************  
WARNING: Why am I bothering......you're gonna read it anyway...but remember.....we can not be  
held responsible for your insanity. Although, if you'd like to scedule an appointment with our  
shrink...I'm sure that Dr Lecter will be able to make time for you.....that is when he isn't acting or  
killing people....or any other number of things.....like having lunch with Grunthor.........clone pizza  
anyone?  
**************************************************************************  
  
BACK TO THE SPOOFSET.......where Cassi and Sven are seeing to a few more details. Almost  
everyone else is gone.  
  
Sven tapped her foot impatiently. "MUNGO!! Come on! We need them alive TODAY!!!"  
  
Cassi bored, pulled out her crochet stuff. "Mexico awaits." She remarked, chosing which blanket   
to work on this time. !@#: This is explained in the next section of Temper Tantrum!@#  
  
"Oi'm gettin' i'!" Mungo yelled back. "Do you 'ave to 'ave all THREE?"  
  
"YES!!!" Sven shouted back. Growling, she pulled out her pill bottle and took some headache pills.  
  
"Bu' Whoiy?!" Mungo demanded.  
  
"It's part of Freddy's surprise!" Cassi answered, not looking up from what she is doing.  
  
Sven started to pull out a book, but was stopped by the sound of her spoof cellphone...  
**I don't have one in real life......thankfully** "Arg. WHAT?!" She snarled into the phone.   
Then paused and grinned. "Oh...it's YOU! You got the message? So, you coming? You'll be  
turned five, but you'll have an advantage on him.....cuz, he won't recognize you until he's   
crispy-fried...."  
  
**************************************************************************  
WARNING: Well, don't say you weren't warned.....I told you I was in a INSANE mood....I'm having  
FUN!!!  
**************************************************************************  
  
Cassi looked up from her work and stared at Sven in surprise. "What?" She asked, pointedly.  
  
Mungo and Teazer were both staring from MedLab. **Not doing their jobs, I might add!**  
  
Sven grinned, oblivious to the stares. **(grins)I have my secrets!!*coughelectrocough** After  
a moment she hung up and put the cellphone away.  
  
"Ahem?" Cassi cleared her throat loudly. "And just WHO is being crispy-fried?" She wanted to   
know.  
  
"Spiderman." Sven replied smoothly, giving a wide grin.  
  
"Who is it, you're bringing in? You know I don't care for them comic book characters......" Cassi  
retorted, rolling her eyes as she always did when Sven was talking about Spiderman villians.   
!@#: I've heard so much about Doc Ock that I'm going to be VERY sick of Spiderman 2 when it   
finally comes to the theaters....in July...and I'm almost sure Sven's counting the days!@#  
  
"Max Dillon." Sven answered.  
  
"And he is who.....no wait...you mentioned one um.....the one with the dorky star mask?" She   
questioned.  
  
"Electro." Sven supplied.  
  
"He's not going to be WEARING that mask, is he?" Cassi demanded.  
  
"Nope.....he's gonna be dressed in black jeans and a t-shirt and he's gonna be turned five as soon  
as I meet up with him. He really wants to fry Spidey, just once he wants to kill him......so he can   
brag to all the others and show off the video." Sven told her.  
  
"Do I get a t-shirt that says "I killed Spiderman?" Asked Electro from the door. "I made the call in  
the parking lot. Your security nearly gave me a heartattack."  
  
Steve poked his nose in. "We have that effect on people."  
  
Nick poked his head in and glared. "And next time....we expect to be warned before some freak   
who tries to kill us comes for a visit!" He retorted. "He nearly crispy-fried my TAIL!!"  
  
**************************************************************************  
WARNING: Reading comics can cause irriversable brain damage.....use caution if you read them..  
**I'm sure Cassi agrees. ^_^!! **!@# See earlier comic book people comment.!@#  
**************************************************************************  
  
Electro rolled his eyes. "I thought you might be working for the Lizard......" He protested.  
**One of Spidey's villians. Curt Conner's alter-ego**  
  
Steve stared. "DID YOU JUST CALL OUR BOSS A LIZARD?! I'LL SHOW YOU A LIZARD!!"  
He yelled, angrily.  
  
"WRONG PERSON, STEVE!" Sven assured him. "He didn't mean Ryan......not that Ryan looks   
anything like a lizard...but anyway, he meant some idiot who managed to make himself a talking  
homicidal lizard that hates the human race. Let's just forget about it." !@#Incidentally, is this   
a subject to forget right away?!!@#  
  
Steve and Nick did the "Wolvie pout" and went back outside.  
  
Cassi eyed the new arrival.....who true to his word, was not wearing the dorky outfit. He had   
reddish-brown hair and his eyes sparked with electricity.   
  
"Um....sure...we can get you a t-shirt." Sven agreed, after turning back to Electro.  
  
Cassi raised an eyebrow. "No offense, but he's gonna need shades. Otherwise, the nut in spandex  
will know who he is." She pointed out, before quietly muttering under her breath. "Pikachu wannabe."  
  
Sven frowned, but nodded. "Yeah.....hang on." She snapped her fingers and a pair of shades  
appeared on Electro. "That's better."  
  
Cassi glanced at the MedLab door and glared. "HEY!! Stop watching!! You have dead people to   
bring to life!" She ordered.  
  
Electro stared. "You have CATS that bring the dead back to life?"  
  
"We have fuzzy-blue aliens that look like rabid hampsters, too." Sven informed him, matter of factly.  
  
"Not to mention 'Eck-the-lion'...'Evil Martian Pigs'.....'Poisonous Pink Bunnies'..and 'Killer  
Squirrels'.....Barney..." Cassi added, sounding bored.  
  
Electro shook his head. "I wondered what happened to that bug......he's been acting so weird.   
Thanks for helping me understand why."  
  
"How weird?" Sven asked, curious.  
  
"Well, he freaked out the Vulture, when he told him to watch out for the 'radioactive-mutant-  
hummingbirds'...that were gonna take over the world. Toomes turned himself over to the police, he  
actually BELIEVED that Spiderfreak!" Electro answered, and then paused. "He wasn't the only one."  
**And every comic book fans falls over laughing....can you imagine this happening?**!@#--  
Actually with those comic book plots, it wouldn't surprise me.!@#  
  
Sven and Cassi exchanged a look, and broke into incoherent laughter.  
  
"What's going on?" Langly asked, over the comm unit. "What's taking so long?"  
  
Sven, after gaining control of her laughter, grabbed the comm. "Um....Mungo's not done yet, and um  
we're talking with a new cast member, who wants to be turned five." She answered. "What's your  
status?"  
  
"The cameras and everything is set in place....and Commodore "Ice-Cream-Cone-Head" is looking  
for Ardeth and Carter." Langly replied.  
  
"Good luck to that." Carter retorted, walking on set. "We got bored of Port Royal." He announced,  
as he and Ardeth returned to the set. "We thought we'd just come back here and go with you. It's  
not fun when you're not around."   
  
Cassi grinned. "It's so nice to be needed." She replied, with a grin.  
  
"Ice-Cream-Cone-Head?" Ardeth mouthed, with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Carter shrugged.  
  
Cassi snickered, and coughed. "[cough]DoofusJackoff[cough]."  
  
Ardeth eyed Electro. "Who is this?" He questioned, noticing the stranger.  
  
"I'm Max Dillon, better known as the human dynamo 'Electro.'" He told them, truthfully.  
  
"He's like Pikachu......only deadly.." Sven remarked, giving a sly look.  
  
"Pikachu?!?" Electro exclaimed, offended. "That's an INSULT!"  
  
Cassi, Ardeth, and Carter busted out laughing.   
  
"Pikachu." Cassi retorted, sounding just like the adorable electro-rat.  
  
Sven gave an innocent look. "Hey, they needed a discription....because, I really doubt they   
understood what you said."  
  
"Hmmmmm......killer Pikachu....that's a new one." Carter remarked, once he had gained control  
of his laughter. "That's a freaky mental image."  
  
Electro made a sour face.  
  
"You better get with Jameson and make sure he doesn't put that in the Bugle." Cassi chimed in.  
"He's been given permission to print anything that happens during this spoof, in the Daily Bugle."  
  
"Is it too late to change my mind?" Electro asked.  
  
Sven pulled out a water balloon and threw it, hitting Electro in the chest....within seconds.....Electro  
was a cute five year old child. "Yes." She told him, unnecessarily.   
**And thankfully, since he isn't using his um powers and is not charged up, the water didn't   
short-circuit him. As it can if he's fully charged with power.**  
***************************************************************************  
WARNING: There are even MORE warnings still coming.........hehehehehehe......  
***************************************************************************  
**I have to say....this is amusing.......and I did manage to get Jack in....and someone IS five.......**  
***************************************************************************  
END SECTION TWO.....er Maybe.....Cassi might want to add something....once she stops laughing.  
  
[insert very bad word here]Cassi's not laughing.....power shut off and turned the computer off....  
meaning I just lost all I corrected....and don't feel like doing it again tonight....we'll try this again  
when I'm not in pain and ready to put my foot through the screen....this would be bad....I could  
break a toe or something.  
  
**I swear, as soon as Murphy get's on set...........he's getting annoying.** (For all those who don't  
know about Magician Murphy, he's from Xanth.....and I'm sure you know WHAT his talent is......  
we usually refer to it as "Murphy's Law" He will be killed many times when he finally gets around  
to coming onto the spoofset.)  
***************************************************************************  
ATTENTION--To all of you, who want to have cameos.....please send us exactly what you want  
to do, and we'll see where we can put it. Please send it through email to   
mommydragon@earthlink.net  
Also....please review...we love input....yes we have lots of ideas, but we are always looking for  
more. And if you have any suggestions for warnings or insanity breaks....you can send them as  
well. I hope you enjoyed this section....we should have Jack a five year old by the next chapter.  
  
Jan. 18th.....and it's not posted yet..........Cassi hasn't gone through it and spell-checked yet. She  
hasn't been on the computer much lately.  
  
!@#:January 21.....oooh, tomorrow's Nonnie's birthday. Um, my best friend, Jenese's daughter.  
Right anyhow, I finally got around to correcting this....and I actually typed the first part of  
Chap 3 in Temper Tantrum...so perhaps whenever I get around to typing the rest of it, I'll  
actually post it online. Anyhow, I'm done tonight, and I must return to my blanket squares.  
Later--Cassi!@# 


	3. Five minutes in Town and we mugged the C...

SECTION THREE**Another section of fun. I'll try to get this one up faster then the last one. I've  
been VERY busy the last couple of weeks. Arg....sorry, got a cut on my thumb and typing is  
making it hurt. Anyway, we should get a few more changed into five year olds before the end of  
this section. I probably won't type anything in this one tonight. I haven't had a lot of sleep the  
last few days......because I've been typing. I typed from one in the morning until seven in the   
morning.....and the night before I had only had about three and a half hours of sleep. So as I said.  
I'm about to pass out now. But I have to work on the story I'm going to publish first. So it's   
doubtful that any story will get in this one tonight. Hey, I typed a LOT last night. I finished  
the whole last section. Now where to go in this section.......of course if I had more REVIEWS....  
it might get somewhere faster....to all of you who HAVE reviewed.....thankyouverymuch!!! I will  
work on getting you who want in....in. I still have to print out yours Becca........as you can tell  
from the email you got....things around here have been well a bit on the hectic side.....hmm  
**************************************************************************  
A/N A month later....I think....Cassi is in the typing chair! And on some good drugs as it's been  
raining, my legs hurt and I have another migrane which probably came when I found out that  
the boot repair man can't fix my favorite boots. Black suede leather thigh high flat 80's boots.  
They don't make these anymore....all the more reason I was not happy. Speaking of which,  
if anyone knows where I can find a new pair, less than 100 bucks, let me know. zip up in the  
back and laces at the sides at the top....and the normal pointy toes, not those ugly square roach  
stompers they sell now...and not TOO pointy. I've seen a couple that if you were to kick some  
guy in the nuts with these, they'd never have kids...ooh, and one had chrome toes! Apparently,  
the guy would have to rebuild the entire soles of the boots and replace the toe of one. Right,   
this is a story, not a complaint about the fashions of boots now a days....and I REALLY wanna  
find a pair of black lace up heeled ankle boots, like what they wear in the "Heart" music videos  
of the 80's....but I can't find these either..and the boot repair man said those are completely  
dead since I ripped the heal loose in the back. [sue me, they were 13 years old] I wore them to  
death...much like the thigh-highs...grumble grumble....right, we were writing a story here. Fine,   
I'll stop griping and get to typing something you really wanna read.  
**************************************************************************  
FUN FACT: Shoes do not grow on trees in the real world......[Cassi holds her dead boots, with  
a Wolvie Pout] I want a second opinion! [and the name of a place that specializes in 80's boots]  
**************************************************************************  
  
CHAPTER THREE "FIVE MINUTES IN THE TOWN & WE MUGGED THE COMMODORE"  
************************************************************************  
--short pause while Cassi changes the screen colors to avoid worse headache...now on with  
the Breaktime Spoof!--Also for confusion's sake, if you've not seen the extra features on the  
POtC DVD2, or even in the Commentary with Kiera and Jack Davenport (Commodor), Jack  
Davenport was not happy with his costume. He said he looked ridiculous, and that his wig  
looked like "an ice-cream sundae" and somewhere in there was "how much brocade can a man  
wear and not be classified as a Marti-Gras float?", and he was so jealous because the pirates  
had better costumes--If you have not seen their commentary, WATCH IT! It's a riot!--  
Now back to the story--  
*****************************  
ON THE BLACK PEARL(somewhere in the Caribbean)  
******************************************  
  
Lucy was standing not four feet from Jack and AnaMaria, trying not to leap into his arms, and  
knock him over. He missed her! That had to be a positive sign. Unfortunately, he had also   
mentioned he'd missed Nicky. She gave a pouty face. "Figures" she thought to herself. "He  
can have me at any time, and he'd rather be playing with an eight-year-old." **Pirate training,  
only, this is Captain Jack Sparrow, not Michael Jackson.**  
  
Next to her, Dave gave her a nudge. "If you can stop drooling, we can get our job done." He  
whispered, not wanting the pirates to know of their presence.  
  
The two were, of course, invisible thanks to Dave's talents, but that didn't mean they couldn't   
be heard. For the sake of getting around quietly, the two had chosen to wear only their socks,  
so their footfalls would not be heard. When he didn't recieve an answer from Lucy, whom he  
assumed was right next to him, he reached out, grabbing her arm, and proceeded to pull her away  
from the helm before anyone caught on to their presence. As Lucy and Jack had been seeing  
a lot of each other, it would have been only a matter of seconds before he realized she was   
there.   
  
As soon as they were a safe distance from any of the pirates, Dave let go of her arm. "That  
wasn't very nice." Lucy whispered, furiously. "I think you just briused my arm."  
  
"And if you'd stayed any longer, mooning over Dear Captain Sparrow, he would have caught  
both of us." Dave retorted, flatly. "We're here to leave them a present, not flirt."  
  
Lucy rolled her eyes. "If you were to start flirting with him, I would have to tell your wife." She  
snapped. "Besides, I saw him first. He's mine."  
  
"Believe me, you can have him." Dave quipped. "He's really not my type. Now if you can focus  
on the task at hand, we have to get this Rum to the Captain's quarters."  
  
"This way." Lucy answered, pulling Dave through a doorway. "His is the biggest and nicest."  
  
"And why am I not surprised you would know that?" Dave muttered.  
  
"It's not what you think!" Lucy argued. "I was in there, but nothing happened....bummer."  
  
Before either one could comment further, Gibbs walked into the room they were in. He seemed to  
be looking for something. Lucy and Dave instantly quieted, and tried to stay out of his way, and  
after a brief minute, Gibbs left with a bottle of Rum. As soon as he was gone, Lucy placed the  
tampered bottles of Rum with the other bottles. "There must be about twenty bottles here!" She  
complained. "How do we get him to take this one?"  
  
Dave sighed. "Your talent?" He reminded her. "Make them all tampered."  
  
"Oh right." Lucy replied, blushing, and was glad she couldn't be seen. "Okay, all set."  
  
"Good, let's get out of here." Dave remarked, pulling her along. "We'll wait for them in Port  
Royal."  
*************************************************************************  
FUN FACT: "Mad Magazine", when they covered the Oscars, they had this to say in reguards   
to Johnny Depp ie Jack Sparrow--  
"Why he should win: Because unlike Tom Cruise in "The Last Samurai" he intentionaly made   
himself look ridiculous as an Action hero"  
"Why he shouln't win: He looks just a little too comfortable in that eye-liner and swishy pirate  
get-up for it to be totally attributed to acting."  
[grins] and they had a really cute picture too.  
As you all know, Johnny did not win the Oscar or the Golden Globe....however...he DID win  
Best Actor in the Screenactor's Guild Awards, so there ARE some people who loved his work.  
we now return you to our story.....  
************************************************************************  
MEANWHILE, IN PORT ROYAL............  
  
Commadore Icecream-cone head....I mean Doofus Jackoff--um I mean Norrington was starting to  
get impatient. He had sent several of his men out to look for any sign of the "desert men", and  
yet none of them had found anyone resembling what had been described. Annoyed, he was  
now off to find the men who had been working earlier.  
  
"You know, he DOES kind of look like a Marti-Gras Float." Cassi remarked, as they watched  
him walk by.  
  
Sven nodded. "Where's the pirates?" She asked. "Lucy and Dave should have been back by  
now."  
  
"I'm bored." Romano spoke up, yawning. "When does it get exciting?"  
  
"When Langly gets busted?" Julian retorted, leaning against a wall.  
  
Pippin cranned his neck and stood on tiptoe so see better. "What's a Marti-Gras float?" He  
asked, pointedly.  
  
"Did he invent the dollar bill?" Prince John questioned, eyeing the Commodore. "He sure  
looks like that guy."  
  
"Don't be silly." Sven quipped, giving him a shove. "George Washington invented the dollar  
bill. Everyone knows that."  
  
Romano stared at her as if she suddenly became normal. "Sometimes I really wonder about you  
two." He remarked under his breath. "What do we do until the pirates come?"  
  
Cassi held out a roll of toilet paper. "You can go play on the Dauntless." She suggested.   
  
Romano eyed the toilet paper. "Why? Are there dead people there?" He aked, slyly.  
  
"Not yet." Cassi told him, pointedly.   
  
"I seen DEAD people!" A voice suddenly spoke up near them.  
  
"Very funny, Malatucci." Romano snapped, deliberately saying his name wrong.  
  
Dave appeared, with Lucy beside him, and both were wearing sly grins.   
  
"I assume by the demented grins, you both got your job done." Sven replied, with an expectant  
look.  
  
"We got it on the ship." Dave assured them. "How long it takes before they drink it is your  
guess."  
  
"Great." Elizabeth murmured. "So what do we do in the meantime?"  
  
"I wonder if the bar here has a Happy Hour." Freddy mused, looking around.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't bet on them knowing what Happy Hour is here." He  
retorted, bluntly. "Besides, it's only a matter of time before they see us here, and Cassi's  
outfit isn't really what you'd call period clothing."  
  
Cassi looked down at her outfit. "Hey, this is period clothing!" She defended.   
  
"What period even classifies that as a shirt?" He pointed out, eyeing Cassi's off the shoulder  
top with a blue lace-up bodice over the top.  
  
Cassi raised an eyebrow. "1985." She informed him. "Nancy and Ann Wilson and Marie  
Fredriksson used to dress like this all the time."  
  
"Who?" Pippin asked, frowning.   
  
"Heart and Roxette." Sven told him. "Don't ask."  
  
"Nice tattoo, by the way." Romano went on. "Is that real or a stick-on?"  
  
"Stick on." Cassi answered, honestly. "You can't keep changing the real ones." She paused,   
and before Romano could open his mouth, she went on. "And the lip-ring is fake. I thought it  
was cute."  
  
Pippin stared at her. "Why?"   
  
"You don't wanna know." Sven remarked quickly. "However, you guys just got us busted,   
because here comes Doofus Jackoff."  
  
"Right. Try to act natural." Cassi ordered the group, and pasted on a bright clueless smile as  
the Commodore approached.  
  
However, the group quickly realized they didn't have to say anything. The Commodore was too  
busy standing with a shocked openmouthed stare as he took in the appearance of the group.  
  
"Someone should tell him to close his mouth." Pippin whispered. "He could swallow a bug  
like that."  
  
"Close your mouth!" The wall suddenly spoke up loudly. "You'll eat a bug like that!"  
  
Before anyone could explain anything, Norrington fainted. The group looked at each other  
and shrugged.  
  
"It must be the Spiderman t-shirt." Cassi concluded.  
  
"Yeah, that MUST be it." Electro quipped.  
  
"Oh right, God forbid it would be the lip-ring." Romano said sarcastically.  
  
Cassi kneeled down looking at the Commodore's outfit. "He has nice boots." She remarked with  
a grin, before she proceeded to remove the boots and try them on.  
  
"Dibs on his sword!" Sven called, snatching it.  
  
"Oooh, I want his jacket." Lucy cried, excitedly. "That would be so cool for Halloween!"  
  
Romano and Elizabeth exchanged a glance and Romano held up a magic marker with a sly  
grin. "It works for Jigglypuff." He proclaimed, leaning over to draw on the unconcious man's  
face. He handed Elizabeth a purple marker. "Here, help me give him a makeover."  
  
Elizabeth chewed her lip with an amused smile and then turned the Commodore over to write,  
"Kick me" in large letters on the back of his shirt.  
  
"Somebody get that rug off his head and bury it somewhere." Sven added, trying out the sword.  
  
"Better plan." Freddy spoke up, pulling out a can of pink spray paint. He grinned as he sprayed  
the wig half pink, and then switched for a green can, spraying the other half.  
  
"Oh yeah, total fashion statement." Cassi declaired, proudly. "Now let's get out of here before  
we get caught."  
  
Pippin stepped back, now wearing Norrington's hat on his own head. "That was fun." He   
announced. "What do we do now?"  
  
"Now we leave before that pansy the Shaver-man, comes along and arrests us." Sven told him.  
  
"That what?" Dor questioned, staring.  
  
"Gillette." Cassi informed him. "The guy who invented comfortable razors for shaving with. I  
have one."  
  
"Somebody's coming!" John called out in a frantic whisper, motioning for all of them to scatter.  
  
In less than a second, the group had vanished.....thanks to Dave, just before one William   
Turner came around the corner. And as the blacksmith/elf lookalike saw the Commodore who  
had just been mugged, his own mouth hit the ground. "Elizabeth!" He called out, panicked.  
"I think you'd better SEE this!"  
  
"Leggo's twin brother." Romano whispered, with a snicker. "The whelp."  
  
"Yeah, he's playing Spiderman." Sven informed the group.  
  
Romano gave a smirk. "Cute. Spiderwhelp." He put in. "I like it."  
  
"Good, you're playing Jameson." Sven told him, honestly.   
  
Then the group hushed as Elizabeth Swann-Turner rounded the corner and also stared open-  
mouthed.  
  
"This group doesn't seem to need bug-zappers in this town." Cassi pointed out.   
  
"If they actually catch one like that, I'm laughing." Dave retorted.  
  
Romano shook his head. "This is just beautiful." He mused. "We're in this town, what five  
minutes? And already we mugged the Commodore."  
  
"Yeah." Sven agreed. "But then we don't have cable, so we have to do something for fun."  
  
"Who would DO such a thing?!" Elizabeth demanded.  
  
Will looked up at her with a frown. "I was actually wondering HOW they did this." He admitted,  
touching the green and pink wig. His fingers came away with green and pink paint, as it had not  
had time to dry yet. "And whoever did it, didn't do it that long ago. I think this is paint."  
  
"Sniff closer." John quipped. "Maybe you'll get high."  
  
Lucy was now eyeing Elizabeth's dress. "Oh, great..." she muttered. "Now I can't eat tonight.  
She's making my hips look humongous."  
  
"You'd look like that too, if you wore a corset." Sven pointed out.  
  
"No way in hell." Lucy remarked, flatly. "Cute dress though."  
  
"That is so not right." Elizabeth Corday complained. "Look at that figure. I'd have to starve  
for a month to look like that."  
  
Romano looked the girl up and down. "I didn't know it was possible to look that skinny." He  
remarked. "Unless you count Cassi, of course, but Cassi's not really normal."  
  
"I don't think I like her." Lizzie went on.  
  
"Me neither." Lucy added.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes, not wanting to know why chicks were obsessed with how small their   
waist was. "If it's any consolation, Lizzie..." He remarked. "You have her beat, hands down."  
  
"From the neck up." Dave smirked, ducking a series of braindusters.  
  
While this stimulating conversation was going on, all were ignoring what was being said about  
the poor mugged Commodore.  
  
"Do you hear what I hear?" Will whispered to Elizabeth.  
  
"A song, a song, dancing in the wind, that would bring us goodness and light..." Dave started  
singing rather loudly. However, that was as far as he got before he was clubbed by four people.  
  
Unfortunately, the Turners were now staring over at where the group was standing, still invisible.  
  
"Nice going, Fathead!" Romano snapped. "Why don't you just put an ad in the paper and  
announce to the world your stupidity!?"  
  
Pippin frowned. "Fathead's still in the Shadow World until the next spoof." He pointed out.  
  
"Can I crispy-fry him?" Electro asked in his child-like voice....which we know MUST have  
sounded bad to the people present. "He was way off-key and I hate that song."  
  
"I like that song." Cassi argued. "But that was terrible. Fry him."  
  
"You fry me, and all the world sees you!" Dave warned.  
  
"They're already looking at us like we came from the moon, who cares?" Romano pointed out.  
"Fry him!"  
  
For some reason, Will and Elizabeth were already pulling the Commodore away when the   
bolt of electricity struck Dave and the whole group became visible....with the exception of  
Freddy who had obviously left to see about 'Happy Hour'.  
  
"That was fun!" Electro crowed, triumphantly, standing over the smoking corpse. "Can I do it  
again?"  
  
"No, we have to bring him back." Cassi told him. "Go torch something else."  
  
"Cas?" Romano called out. "I think you and Sven need to explain yourselves." He motioned to  
the young couple and the dazed Commodore, who was starting to come around.  
  
"Certainly." Cassi spoke up, walking over to the trio. "My friends, there really is a rational   
explaination for all of this!" She announced.  
  
"Well, I would certainly like to hear it." Norrington spoke up with a glare.  
  
With a completely serious face, Cassi opened her mouth to answer and then her face took on  
a horrified look as she focused on something above them. "LOOK! FLYING PURPLE   
MONKEYS!!!" She cried pointing.  
  
The trio looked up, trying to figure out what it was that she'd been pointing at, and the group  
quickly scattered in about twelve different directions, with the exception of Lucy Knight, who  
calmly stood, staring at the Commodore.  
  
"Oh yeah." She added, with a serious look. "This is for trying to hang my boyfriend." Before  
anyone could figure out what she was doing, she had changed his entire outfit into a pink  
frilly dress, then yanked out a camera, snapping off a picture. "This one is going to be framed  
on Captain Jack's wall!" She announced, running off.  
  
"Jack Sparrow." Norrington fumed. "I might have known he'd have something to do with this."  
  
Off to the side he was now hearing what sounded like stiffled giggles. He turned sharply to see  
Will and Elizabeth with their hands clamped in their mouths, trying not to laugh out loud. Seeing  
them, he abruptly looked down at his attire, and realized exactly what he looked like. A mortified  
look of horror crossed his face and he made a mad dash for the nearest building, which just  
happened to be the Blacksmith shop. Will and Elizabeth exchanged a glance, busted out   
laughing, and managed to stagger into the shop after him.  
*************************************************************************  
  
End part three. And next time, in comes the Black Pearl! But then, I suppose they were expecting  
that ship to show up SOME time soon. For now, we'll leave you with the mental image of  
the good Commodore with a pink and green wig, his markered on face, and cute frilly pink dress  
with the "Kick Me" sign on the back. He should be lucky Lucy didn't put him in Patent leather  
Mary Jane Buckle shoes as well.   
Please leave your reviews after the beep  
BEEP! 


	4. It's the End of the World as we Know it!

**Part Four**....where did we leave off? Right, The good Commodore in a frilly pink dress. (waits for the laughter to die down) So, as you can imagine, Norrington had to duck into the Blacksmith's shop for a change of clothes he borrowed from Will, and the rest of us split.

As you read in the last chap, Freddy went bar-hopping. What you didn't know, is he was not alone. Apparently, he and Wolverine have become pretty good buddies. Could be the claws thing. And since these people just tend to show up with us, these kinds of things just seem to happen.

We WILL have a few more people brought in just for the sheer joy of it, as we DO have a couple of "kids" we're bringing in for the near future.let's just say may God have mercy on Port Royal.

**Sven **July 13th. I'm finally getting back to this one. My shoulder, which I injured not long ago, has finally stopped hurting bad. However, Cassi and I have been having a lot going on, thus explaining why this has taken so long. Our mother had a kidney stone and we had to help with her. And recently our dad had to go to the hospital, he had a tumor that was blocking his colon/stomach area. They removed it today, and have not yet checked whether is was cancerous. Anyway, let me try to get this section started.

**Cassi** Sept. 8, 2004-- As said before we've had a lot of delays with this story, and recently, we've gotten ahold of the DVD sets of the "Hornblower" series. So far, we only have the first one, but the others are on the way. Anyhow, we've decided that we very much enjoy them and as they are also the British Navy, mayhaps a few years in the furture, although not many. . . . in fact, I believe they're only a few years apart from the "Pirates" timeline. So one thing lead to another and with the gorgeous men there coughKennedycoughHornblowercough. My--I should take something for that awful cough. If you haven't seen these, **_WATCH THEM!!!!_** No fooling, they are gorgeous. Right, the story, Keep an eye out. We've sent Julian to change course on a certain British ship....grin coughIndycough

--By the way, we do know that Kennedy dies, so don't bother telling us. We're just setting this a little before that. Probably between the First and second sets of movies.--

Um, anyways, the delays, our dad goes back to the hospital on the 10th. He's doing okay, and is recovering well. So hopefully, we can get around to typing on more of the other stories, and I really am working on the "Titanic" mess as well. Updating soon.

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR: _"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT."_**

**BLACK PEARL-SOMEWHERE OUT IN THE CARIBBEAN**

Out on the deck of the Black Pearl, Jack remained gazing down at the water. He was missing Lucy. He liked having her around. When they had first met, Jack had been a little unsure, especially since she had leaped into his arms. But somehow, he had still fallen for her. Was he in love with her? He wanted to consider that matter, but AnaMaria's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Captain?" She spoke up.

"Aye, what is it?" Jack wanted to know.

AnaMaria held up a bottle of rum. A white label on the side read "Do not drink, may cause severe side-effects.' "This, it's on ALL of them, and it wasn't before. What's going on?" She asked.

Jack took the bottle. "Spoofauthors mus' be bored again. Migh' as well check." He popped the cork and smelled it. "Smells like rum."

"You're gonna drink it?" AnaMaria demanded, in surprise.

"Aye, only way ta know fer sure." He answered, and took a large swallow. Within seconds the world around him seemed to get bigger.

AnaMaria got one look at her now, five-year-old Captain, and busted out laughing.

"I'd say i's Youth Elixir." Jack stated, shaking his head. Then he took another swallow and returned himself to his adult form.

AnaMaria stopped laughing and stared. "Where did you learn that?" She asked.

"Lucy. That's the only cure for Youth Elixir, that or someone who can change ages." Jack replied.

AnaMaria took the bottled and then grinned. "If the SpoofAuthors are bored, we can have some fun. Every bottle EXCEPT for Gibbs' is tampered with. So you and the crew turn five, Gibbs and I get the ship docked in Port Royal and then you change me five." She suggested.

"I like tha' idea!" Jack exclaimed. "Port Royal, here we come! I'm gonna turn tha' Norrington into a five year old as well!"

AnaMaria's grin widended. "Let's get moving!"

* * *

**INSANITY BREAK #145,894,879,146**

--Here's a nice poem for you all--

_**"Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie, switch the birds with dynamite and watch the people die."**_

--And here are a few important things you should know about tornados--

"Without tornados people in the plain states wouldn't have anything to worry about. If they didn't have anything to worry about that would make their lives boring. Their insurance would go down and insurance angencies wouldn't make as much money. Construction guys would also lose money because they wouldn't have houses and roads to redo. These are some important things about tornados."

"Without tornados there wouldn't be cool movies about tornados. Movies like "Twister" and "Atomic Twister." So movie companies would lose money. They would also lose people popularity. So movie companies would suffer without tornados."

**AND THIS CONLUDES THIS INSANITY BREAK

* * *

**

**PORT ROYAL**

The trio that exited the Blacksmith's shop about an hour after the 'mugging' was a rather strange one. Will and Eilzabeth, followed by Commodore Norrington, who was no longer anything resembling a Naval Officer. His uniform was now gone, replaced by clothing borrowed from Will, and his wig, being beyond repair, was also missing. In short, he looked like a very good looking regular guy. (email us if you're curious...we have a picture of him without the wig and uniform--and he IS cute!)

Will looked around, trying to find the group that had literally taken the coat off the Commodore's back. They saw nothing. "Where do we go?" He asked.

"I would expect to the docks." Norrington answered, already headed in that direction. "The young woman mentioned something about Mr. Sparrow, and I have a feeling somehow that he'd be on his way here very soon."

Will and Elizabeth exchanged a glance. "Didn't she imply that she was courting Captain Sparrow?" Elizabeth asked, quietly.

Will nodded. "It did seem that way." He agreed. "I wonder who she was."

"Frankly at this point, I really don't care." Norrington cut in, turning to glare at them. "Those people are tearing up this town!"

They stopped at a road intersection, to let a green horse go running by, singing something about Flying Purple Monkeys ruling the world and making the sky fall. Norrington blinked, looking after the horse a second, then continued on toward the docks, with the Turners, still staring in shock. After a minute, they rushed to catch up with the Commodore.

"I don't think I want to know what that was." Elizabeth remarked, quietly.

Will shook his head. "Good idea."

The group stopped short as they caught sight of the woman with the bi-colored hair, who was wearing Norrington's boots. She was still with the other young woman who was wearing the rather strange clothing, and seemed to have almost purple hair, who had his sword, and a small cat, who was riding on her shoulder, attached to some sort of leash. It reminded one of Barbossa's monkey.

Quickly, Norrington yanked the two around a corner, and leaned over, listening to the talking. She was talking to someone, but it was not the other woman. She was talking into a very strange little box.

"Where are they?" She asked into the box, speaking to someone in pauses. "No! I don't care if they're in the **North Pole**! Get them **here**!" Another pause. "Julian, you're a Shadowman, use your brain!" Another pause. "Good idea. Drive them as insane as you possibly can, and get them to the Caribbean. When they get close enough to know where they're at, tell them Port Royal is overrun by Pirates and Insane people."

"And X-Babies." The other woman added.

"And X-Babies." The first repeated. "And Freddy, Jason, The Hulk. . . ." She paused, listening to the loud snarl from the small cat. "And a Demon Pest."

This comment prompted a louder snarl.

"I think you offended her." The one with the purple hair replied, looking at the cat, who was now swishing her tail.

"We're aiming to crack the Captain, and two of the other guys. We gave you the pictures." The first woman went on into the box. "Just enjoy yourself, and don't kill anyone. See ya later." She punched a button on the box and returned it to her pocket. "Looks like we'll be able to nab a few more Navy coats."

The one with the cat grinned. "Dibs on Archie's." She stated, evily.

"Good, I'll take Horror Show's." The First agreed.

"What's up?" The one they'd heard called Romano interrupted, walking over.

"The sky still is for the moment." The one with the cat answered with a smirk. "Although there's been a lot of rumors that it's falling."

Romano gave a flat look. "Cute." He quipped. "What's going on?"

The first one grinned. "Julian's joined the Navy." She informed him, walking off.

The one called Romano paused, watching them walk off. "God help the Navy." He muttered, heading back the way he'd come.

As the group left, Norrington stared, wondering what they were talking about.

"Did that sound like they're bringing more Naval Officers here?" Elizabeth asked, quietly.

"I don't know." Norrington murmured, thoughtfully. "From the sound of it, they're bringing in another ship, but there's no telling who it is."

Will frowned, looking toward the docks, then he pointed, nudging the others. "That's the Black Pearl!" He cried, staring. "And they've got the white flag up."

"Something's happened." Elizabeth stated, shaking her head. "It must have. Captain Sparrow wouldn't come into Port Royal under a white flag unless something bad happened."

"Come on." Norrington cut in, grabbing them and running toward the docks.

As they ran, they heard something very loud, sounding almost like music but more to Norrington like loud racket. It was being amplified over something, but some of the words in the 'song' were absolutely clear. "_It's the end of the World as we Know it_."

"Now **that** doesn't sound very positive." Will remarked, catching up to the other two.

* * *

**Fun Fact: "It's the End of the World as we Know it (And I Feel Fine)" Belongs to REM and not us. . . but it would have belonged to us if we'd have thought of it.

* * *

**

**Meanwhile in British Waters, probably a few years later...but we don't care...on "That Ship With the Stupid Name" ie: _"Indefatigable"_**

Julian grinned as he looked around the main deck. He was wearing a Naval uniform of a leftenant, which he'd thought was a very stupid title, but then, given the name of the ship, it was not surprising. No one had noticed the Shadowman as of yet, as he had not called attention to himself. His Shadowman abilites made it so he'd be mistaken as one of theirs.

The first thing he'd done upon arrival on the ship, was survey the different Officers and the layout. He'd checked the food stores, gagged briefly, covering his mouth, and quickly left. It was a wonder how they did not all have food poisoning by now, he mused, making a face. He'd found the ones Cassi and Sven had been most interested in. The Captain. . . he frowned, thinking. Was it 'Pillow'? He couldn't remember. The Acting Leftenant by the name of 'Ah-chie', then there was a Leftenant by the name of 'Horror Show' that resembled the pictures of the 5th Officer on the Titanic, he'd been looking at for the upcoming set of spoofs.

Julian sighed, seeing the men working on the decks. This was probably the most boring time he'd ever had. He really didn't think it was very fair that all the other Assistants got to go trash Port Royal and he was stuck on a British Navy ship in the middle of nowhere. He made a face. Might as well get this stupid Assignment over with so he could have some fun.

Grinning, Julian blinked, transforming himself back to his real looks, although still wearing the Naval uniform. Almost instantly, his white-blonde hair stood out, as he'd refused to wear the hideous hat. He gave a maniacal grin as he headed up to the Captain's side, where of course the row of Officers quickly saw him as a stranger on their ship.

The Captain stared at him a second. "Who in blazes are **you**?!" He demanded as the Officer's jumped forward, swords and pistols drawn.

Julian grinned wider. "Oh no worries, Mr. . . Captain. . . Pillow, or whatever your name is." He remarked, waving a hand. "I never was good with names."

The ones called Ah-Chie and Horror Show suddenly choked, trying to cover laughter, but were quickly silenced by a look from the Captain. "How did you get on this ship and what is it you want?" The Captain asked, through narrowed eyes.

Julian shrugged, leaning against a wall. "Oh nothing." He remarked with a yawn. "I was just stopping by. . . I was originally planning to hijack the ship when I boarded it about five hours ago. . . but hey, you caught me. Boy, you people should be so proud of yourselves. I'm just shaking in my boots at the sight of people as observant as you all are."

"Are you _mocking_ me sir?" The Captain asked, dangerously. "Take him to the brig." He ordered the Officers behind him.

Julian's grin turned sinister. "What makes you think I'd let you do that?" He retorted, quietly staring into the Officer's eyes.

The one called Ah-chie frowned and backed up, uncertainly, pulling his friend with him. The other Officers stood firm, swords and pistols aimed at Julian.

"Something's not right here, Horatio." Ah-chie whispered only loud enough for his friend to hear. "He's. . . .something. . . not right."

His friend stared at him, with a frown then turned back to look at the Shadowman, a little more uncertain.

Julian's gaze turned toward them, as his hearing picked it up. "Very perceptive." He replied, staring the acting leftenant in the eye. "If I were you, I would listen to the smart one there." He went on, stepping toward the swords. Then he grinned as he walked right into them, letting them pass through his body, before stepping back to reveal he was completely unharmed, and there was not even any holes in his uniform.

The Officers, as well as the deck hands on the lower decks, quickly backed away.

"'e's a bloody demon, tha's what 'e is." One of the crew cried, staring.

Julian grinned again. "I've been called worse." He smirked, walking over to observe Ah-chie. "They've got big plans for you." He murmured, sinisterly. "If I were you, I would be _very _afraid."

His friend --the Horror Show, or was it Horatio?-- quickly jumped forward with his pistol cocked. "If I were you, I would think before I made such threats here." He warned.

Julian started laughing. "Go ahead and shoot me." He retorted, rolling his eyes. "I'm not mortal, and that won't even mess my hair." He paused. "In fact, it may just kill this man, Bowels, standing behind me." (no typo, he's saying it like. . .do we have to stress this? use your imagination)

"I'm tellin' you, 'e's a demon!" The same crewman shouted again.

"Belay that, Mr. Matthews!" Horror Show shouted, not taking his eyes off the man.

The Captain frowned at the mispronounciation of the name, and motioned for Mr. Bowles to move from behind whatever that man was. "What is it you want here, apart from threatening my crew?" He demanded, not raising his voice.

Julian's sinister look changed instantly. He flashed a friendly smile, and walked over to the Captain. "Well, I just wanted to compliment you on your fine navigating, sir!" He proclaimed. "Did you know we're in the Caribbean?"

"We most certainly are **not**!" The Captain snapped, pushing the man away, before nervously realizing the shadows on the deck had changed. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure.

Julian grinned. "Wanna bet?" He smirked. "You may have been near England a few minutes ago, but I assure you you're most definitely in the Caribbean now."

Behind the Captain, Horror Show was now looking at the sun, which had definitely changed position. He nudged his friend, and mouthed what Julian could see was, "He's not lying."

"Of course I'm not." Julian retorted, grinning as the two stared at him in surprise. "And don't bother talking or mouthing anything when you think I can't hear it." He cut in. "No matter what you say, I can hear you. Now how would you like to repeat that so we can all hear it?"

The crew looked at the leftenant, who looked slightly nervous. "I said he's not lying." He repeated, motioning to the sun. "We've changed positions."

Julian gave them an 'I told you so' look. "See?" He pointed out. "You've driven this ship right to the Caribbean, and you didn't even know it. What a brilliant navigator you turned out to be. Why don't you step in the backseat and let your wife drive?" He asked, motioning to Horror-Show, whose face flushed as his mouth dropped open.

Choking laughter was heard from the lower decks, but quickly quieted as the Captain glared at them.

On the upper deck, Ah-chie stared at his friend, in disbelief, too shocked at what he'd heard to even laugh.

The Captain glared at Julian. "If you have a purpose on this ship, you'd best be telling me right now." He warned evenly.

Julian shrugged. "I've already done it." He informed him. "My task was to get your ship to the Caribbean, and inform you that you are needed in the town of Port Royal." He pointed at a distant piece of land the lookouts had missed, watching the events on the decks. "You'll find a Pirate ship docked there, but you are not to harm it or board it, as you will not like the consequences. You are needed by the British Naval Command and you are looking for Commodore Norrington."

The Officers exchanged a glance, recognizing the name instantly. James Norrington was well known by the British Navy, and was a highly decorated Officer.

"Norrington?!" Captain 'Pillow' asked, staring.

Julian gave a nod. "The scurge of Piracy in the Caribbean." He added. "Although you may not find him all that easily. I'm informed that they have a tendancy to mug people for their clothes and weaponery, so he's more than likely been hit already. You and your men may want to watch your uniforms, swords. . . ." He paused, eyeing the primitive pistols. "Don't worry about the guns though. I think Murdoc brought his, and his shoot a full clip before needing to be reloaded."

The group looked at one another, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Anyhow, now that I've done my job." Julian went on, changing the subject. "Ta-ta." At the last word, he vanished and the crew stared in shock.

"I told ye." Matthews spoke up, breaking the silence. "A bloody demon is what 'e is."

"And remember!" Julian's voice echoed, making them all jump. "The longer you wait, the more of the town is destroyed by the minute."

Captain Pellew looked around at the crew, that was still looking mildly shocked. "Set course for Port Royal." He spoke up quietly.

"Aye sir." Mr. Bracegirdle replied, turning the wheel toward the distant land.

"Do you believe him?" Kennedy asked, looking at his best friend.

"I think he was definitely not joking around." Hornblower responded, nervously, looking around. He was not so sure the man had entirely left yet.

* * *

**Insanity Break # 348,567,383,246,264,306,393.84549743293847 and two thirds.**

**Random Movie Quotes: "Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol"**

**LASSARD: _What is the most frustrating thing about being a Police Officer?_**

**TACKLEBERRY: _Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir!_**

**MAHONEY: _Icky blue uniforms, sir._**

**CALAHAN: _Separate locker rooms, sir!_**

**LASSARD: _I thought it was not being able to be everywhere at once._**

**OFFICERS: _(after a minute) Ohhhhh._**

**The End

* * *

**

**BACK IN PORT ROYAL......**

Norrington had just made it to the docks with the Turners not far behind him, as a group of his men were watching a row-boat coming toward them. There seemed to be a woman rowing it with another man. Norrington stared, recognizing the man to be Mr. Gibbs. What in blazes was _he_ doing on a Pirate ship?

Murtogg and Mullroy stared as Norrington approached them. "Commodore, begging your pardon, but what happened to your--"

Norrington silenced him with a look. "Don't ask." He snapped, hearing the Turners snickering behind his back. "Has Mr. Sparrow shown himself yet?"

Mullroy shook his head. "Not yet, sir." He answered, shrugging. "We haven't even been able to get any signal from the ship as to why they're here."

Norrington rolled his eyes. He'd already had a feeling as to why they were there. They had obviously been told to be there by the two strange women.

The boat got closer and Norrington frowned. There was a small child in the boat with the two people. He was dressed as Mr. Sparrow. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. Certainly the Captain had not had a son, so what was this all about?

Elizabeth, beside him, was also staring at the young boy. Her thoughts turned to the young boy from earlier. His words gave the impression of someone a lot older than he looked to be. She shook her head. That was impossible. It must be something else.

"I don't remember Jack having a son." Will whispered, as the boat got close enough for him to see AnaMaria's glare. He frowned. She was not happy about something.

"Mr. Gibbs?" Norrington remarked, stepping forward as the boat reached the dock. "Might I inquire as to what _you_ are doing with the Black Pearl?"

Gibbs gave a shrug. "Actually, I'm the Quartermaster." He informed the Commodore. "I have been since the last incident, but that's not what this is about."

Will charged forward as AnaMaria jumped out of the boat. She leaned over, picking up the small child who looked so much like Jack Sparrow. "'E's all **yours**!" She spat out, dropping him on the dock, glaring at the boy.

Will stared into the boys eyes, quickly recognizing the sly glint of Captain Sparrow. "This is impossible." He whispered, in awe.

The five year old gave a wicked grin. "Aye, it **was** impossible, Mr. Turner." He smirked, stepping forward. "Bu' i's not anymore."

Norrington's suspicions were instantly confirmed. "You seem to have lost some height since our last meeting, Mr. Sparrow." He mused, raising an eyebrow.

Jack's mouth turned in a sly, and evil grin. "You seem to 'ave lost a bi' more than that." He retorted, with a snicker.

Norrington's jaw clenched as his eyes narrowed. "And what would you be knowing about the recent visitors to Port Royal?" He asked, ignoring the smirk.

Jack shrugged. "Well i' depends on wha's goin' on." He pointed out. "I didn' know anythin' about all this until jus' about an hour ago, so don' go blammin' me for it, saavy?"

"Jack, what in heavens name are you **doing**?!" Will demanded, looking completely aghast.

Jack's grin turned sinister. "As far as I'm assumin', it seems we're 'avin' a party 'ere." He commented, listening to the rather loud music. "An' that means I can do whatever I wants to." He paused. "Startin' with . . . ." He eyed Elizabeth. "This!" Before anyone could do anything, he touched the legs of Gibbs, AnaMaria, and before he ran off, he touched Elizabeth as well. The three were instantly changed to children and Gibbs and AnaMaria bolted.

Will stared at Elizabeth in shock, but before he and Norrington could even begin to figure out what had happened, the Black Pearl suddenly came alive with children jumping overboard, and swimming for the land.

"What in heavens name. . . ?" Murtogg whispered under his breath. "This is not possible."

Will looked over at him, annoyed. "I'd say it is now." He snapped, kneeling down to look at Elizabeth, who still seemed rather shocked at her present state.

"So it would seem." Norrington muttered, seething.

"Sir?" Mullroy spoke up, giving the Commodore a nudge. "I think you'd better have a look at this."

Norrington looked up, seeing a new ship entering the harbor. He stared. What on earth was the 'Indefatigable' doing in the Caribbean?! They were supposed to be stationed patrolling English and French waters.

"What is it?" Will asked, eyeing the vessel that was flying a British flag.

"The Indefatigable." Norrington answered, quietly, still in disbelief. "It's the ship they were talking about."

Murtogg and Mullroy stared. "The Indy?!" Murtogg asked, confused. "I thought she was supposed to be up north near England."

"She _is_, Mr. Murtogg." Norrington grumbled, shaking his head. "Someone has brought them here for a purpose." He shrugged, thoughtfully. "None the less, we could definitely use the extra help."

* * *

**End Part Four.**

**And the plot thickens......we'll try to update this a little more faster this time. As well as the one on the Titanic, and the other current stories. We thank the fans and readers for your patience with us, as this has been a very difficult summer. Anyhow, we thought this would be a good change of pace.**

**For those curious as to why we've brought in the Indy, I've recently casted Archie Kennedy as Faramir in Two Towers, as his looks were absolutely perfect for the role. And of course our interest in this particular series is another reason. It seemed to fit as they're dated about the same time period, and frankly, they DID need more Officers at Port Royal. **

**Up next.....one two Freddy's coming for you, three four, Logan's at the door......grin**

**Until then, leave us your reviews as we need loads of motivation for this. Kekelina, you are coming into this, just give us a bit of time to get a plot in here somewheres. **

**--Cassi who did type most of this section, although Sven sat right behind me, giving suggestions.**


	5. Leftenant, rightenant, wrongtenant, midd...

_**Chapter Five...and we're moving right along. (pause) Yes, we're getting to Titanic. Enter That Ship With the Stupid Name, a temper tantrum throwing green monster, a psychopathic killer with eight adamantium claws, and a mutant with six more and a very bad attitude. (pause) Oh yes, and a few people who are just dying to get their hands on some really stylish Naval Uniform coats. (grin)**_

_**Time for some nice Vitamin L, and I'll get right to the typing. **_

_****_

**CHAPTER FIVE _"LEFTENANT, RIGHTENANT, WRONGTENANT, MIDDLETENANT"_**

On the docks, Becca, Silver, Emmy, and Mid stood behind Norrington and the other officers. The group didn't notice them until they spoke up, also watching the new ship.

"What's that again?" Silver asked, looking confused.

"_Indefatigable_." Mullroy informed her.

Silver frowned, trying to say the name. "Indy.....um....Inde...."

"I've got it!" Becca shouted, triumphantly. "Indy.....fat.....igable."

Next to her, Murtogg started choking again.

Norrington rolled his eyes, knowing the group was obviously part of the visitor's group. "Why don't you just call it the _Indy_?" He suggested.

Silver's eyes widened. "Indy?!" She exclaimed. "**AAAAAAHHHHH, THE INDIANS ARE COMING**!!!!!"

The others started screaming as well, and Norrington was forced to cover his ears at the shriek.

"**NOOOOO THE INDIANS ARE COMING**!!!!" Emmy shrieked, panicking.

"Quick! Put your scalp in your pocket!" Mid cried, yanking the wig off of Murtogg's head and stuffing it in the front of his coat. "Run for your lives!!!!!"

With this, the group ran off down the docks screaming.

Norrington stared at Murtogg for a second, then he turned away quickly biting his lip, trying not to burst out laughing. That last was very unexpected, and surprisingly very amusing.

Elizabeth, looking over her husband's shoulder as he was kneeling in front of her, stared at Norrington. She herself was laughing so hard her side was starting to hurt, and that last comment had been nothing short of hysterical.

Mullroy was not even making an effort to hide his laughter. He was nearly sliding down a post, with tears streaking his face.

Norrington swallowed, recovering his composure before he turned back around to face his men. "When that ship gets in, let me know immediately." He ordered Mullroy. "I have to change clothes. Mr. Turner."

Will looked up at him. "Sir?"

"Get Elizabeth out of here and find somewhere safe for her until we can figure out this mess." He told the blacksmith, before he headed toward the fort.

Elizabeth gave a unladylike snort. "If you think you're putting me away, and not letting me help, Will, you've got another thing coming." She stated, looking him in the eye. "I will **not** be locked away while you and everyone else--"

"Elizabeth, look at yourself!" Will argued. "What can you possibly **do**?!"

"I can help!" She insisted.

"Sure she can." A man spoke up behind Will.

Will jumped and turned to see the man with the white blond hair dressed in the Naval uniform. "Who are you?"

The man gave a wicked grin. "Julian." He replied. "I was looking for Cassi. Have you seen her?"

"Who?" Mullroy asked, frowning.

"You can't possibly miss her." Julian informed them. "About this tall, strange clothes, tattoo, lip ring, and a skunk stripe in her hair."

"That way." Will answered, remembering the woman who'd been talking into the box. Then he frowned. They had mentioned the name Julian, he mused. "You're the one who brought that ship here." He spoke up, quietly. "It was you she was talking to then."

Julian arched a dark eyebrow. "You heard that, did you?" He asked, impressed. "Congradulations. Yes, I'm the demon who brought the ship here."

"You're a demon?" Elizabeth retorted, rolling her eyes.

Julian gave a sinister grin. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He smirked, walking off in the direction Will had pointed. "Oh," he went on. "If you see Sven, she's the one with the cat, tell her that her contact mentioned her large green monster is on his way."

After he walked away, the pair exchanged a glance, and looked up at the two officers that stood next to them. "I don't think that sounded very good." Elizabeth commented, shaking her head.

Will frowned. "I wonder if it has anything to do with that singing green horse." He mused, in thought.

Murtogg stared. "What singing green horse?"

* * *

_****_

**Warning:_ Warning Signs ahead. Proceed with caution.

* * *

_**

_****_

**Dot's Poetry Corner:**

_**There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.**_

_**And boy, did it stink in there.**_

**The End

* * *

**

_****_

On the 'Indy-fat-igable,' Captain Pellew was looking through his spyglass, eyeing the goings on at the dock." He shook his head, and gave a strange look.

"What is it, Captain?" Mr. Bracegirdle asked, frowning.

"Well, our visitor has already reached the docks and walked off into the town." The Captain replied, sounding relieved that the man was no longer on the ship. "And I think I just saw four young women start screaming and run away."

"Screaming, sir?" Kennedy inquired, raising his eyebrows. "Did you happen to see why?"

Captain Pellew shook his head. "No, I did not." He replied, still a bit confused. "They didn't look as if they were from anywhere around here."

Down on the lower decks, Hornblower was helping to get his men ready to go ashore when Matthews suddenly tapped him on the shoulder. "Sir, I think you ought'a come look a' this." He remarked, looking as if he were going to start laughing at any second.

Horatio frowned, and followed Matthews. His eyes widened at the sight of the dead pirates hanging in the harbor. Ordinarily, this would not phase him. It was what was draped all over them that made him stare. They seemed to have long strips of paper hanging all over them, and there was a sign that read something he could not quite make out. He squinted, trying to read the sign, then he blinked. "'Trespassers will be persecuted, survivors will be eaten. Come right on in. Ask for Steve.'" He read.

Archie, who had walked up behind him to relay a message from the Captain, stared at the sign. "What's that hanging off of them?" He asked, causing both Hornblower and Matthews to jump.

"Can't you warn a person before you sneak up on them?" Horatio demanded, shaking his head. "And I have no idea what it is. It looks like some kind of paper." (they didn't have toilet paper back then...ew)

Archie moved closer to the rail and looked down, squinting to read yet another sign that had somehow been placed above the water, and seemed to be floating in the air. It was blinking on and off. "Port Royal: Population undetermined right now. Wait until we get finished killing people." He read, causing more worried faces.

"I don't even think I want to know about that one." Horatio murmured.

"Another one, sir." Styles cut in, pointing.

"'Parking in the red zone is for pirate ships only. Do not park your ship here. You will be given a ticket.'" Archie read out loud. "What's a red zone?"

"I haven't the slightest idea." Hornblower remarked, shaking his head. "But there's another one."

"'In my attempt to kill a fly, I ran into a telephone pole.'" Styles read, trying to hold back laughter. "Wha's a telephone pole?"

"'See the One Ring. Five pounds.'" Archie read, pointing at another one. "'Touch the One Ring. Ten Pounds.'" He paused, thinking about this. "I don't know what the One Ring is, but I don't think I can afford to see it let alone touch it."

Most of the crew that was looking over the side, reading the various signs, were now desperately trying not to laugh out loud, and choking on their hands.

"What is going on here?!" Captain Pellew demanded, walking up behind them.

"Eh . . . we were reading. . " Hornblower began, motioning over the side at the signs.

"'Wanted: New actors and officers. No intelligence required. Apply at the dock.'" Archie read out loud, biting his lip.

Pellew stared, speechless. "Where did those come from?" He asked, quietly.

"I have not the slightest idea, sir." Hornblower answered, shrugging. "We just happened to see them there."

"Another one, sir!" Matthews called, pointing. "'Pira'e Ship ahead. Do no' board. Curren' crew eats people.'"

"I expect that would be the ship our uninvited guest was referring to." Captain Pellew commented, scratching his chin, then he stared, seeing the name on the back. "That is the _Black Pearl_." He mused in awe.

The crew, having heard of the notorious ship, all gave gasps of shock.

"Should we fire on it, sir?" Kennedy asked, quietly, remembering the warning Julian had given them in reguards to the ship, however, the Black Pearl was well known as a dangerous enemy ship.

"Tha' said th' crew eats people." Styles pointed out. "And that demon mentioned we were no' te go near i' or we would not like the consequences."

"I **heard** him." The Captain snapped, still watching the ship. "Do you see any crew on her?"

Hornblower, looking through the spyglass, gave a report. "She's flying a white flag, sir." He informed them, then his mouth dropped as he saw the creature in the Captain's hat at the wheel. "What in God's name is **_that_**?!" He managed to get out.

Captain Pellew moved him over and looked through his own spyglass, spotting the creature, and gave an equally shocked stare. "I'm not sure." He whispered. "But there are more of them there."

"What do we do, sir?" Kennedy asked, as he saw the monsters on the black ship.

"No one goes near that ship." Pellew ordered the crew. "Don't fire on it, and for God's sake, don't board it."

"Good idea, sir." Mr. Bowles put in shaking his head.

"Ready the men." The Captain went on. "We're going ashore. Mr. Bracegirdle will remain on the ship. I want that pirate ship watched."

"Aye aye, sir." Mr. Bowles replied, saluting and heading up to relay the order.

"Do you see anymore of those signs?" Pellew asked Kennedy and Hornblower, who were still looking over the side.

"Just one." Answered Kennedy. "It says, 'Beware of the Jigglypuff,' whatever that is."

"Sir!" Mr. Bowles called from the helm. "There's a few more of those signs over here, and I don't think this looks very good."

The group ran over to the other side of the ship to read the new series of signs.

"One two, we're coming for you. . ." Archie read.

"Three four, you can lock your door, but that won't save you. We can pick locks." Captain Pellew read.

"Five six, grab your crucifix. Give me a break, we're Jewish." Matthews read.

"Seven eight, you can stay up late, but we have insomnia and that won't save you either." Hornblower read, frowning.

"Nine Ten, we'll be back again." Styles finished. "Tha' don' sound very good, sir." (these last signs are for Archie as he'll be acting for us soon)

Hornblower frowned, considering it. "They're playing with us." He stated, realizing what was going on. "Trying to get to us."

Pellew nodded, realizing his leftenant was right. "We'll anchor near the Dauntless." He decided. "Get the boats ready to go ashore."

"Aye, sir." The crew answered, in unison, before they got to work.

* * *

**__**

**Moment of Happiness # 7,859,323,495,826,346,545,945,832,904,395,893,209 and a third**

_**ARDETH: How do you know they're all female? Do you go out and pull up the dinosaur's skirts?**_

_**NICK: Get fresh with my wife, and I'll maul you to death and eat you.**_

_**RUFIO: No thanks. I'm not checkin'. Anyway, we control their chromosomes. All embreyos are female to start with, they just require a certain hormone given at the right time to make them male. We simply deny them that.**_

_**NICK: (holding the baby) It's a BOY!!!!**_

_**ARDETH: (to Logan) Well, I'm convinced.**_

_**PETE: The chef's prepared a delightful meal for us. Chili and Sea bass, I believe. Shall we?**_

_**ARDETH: I'd rather have what the raptors are eating.**_

**The End.** (Jurassic Spoof By Cassi & Sven #17 Season 3)

* * *

_****_

Meanwhile, as all this was going on near the docks, a different scene was going on at one of the saloons. Minutes before, there had been the noise of a rather large fight and several screams, that made most people try to avoid the place. The pair that was walking out of the saloon was a most unusual one.

Both men, wearing neat fedora hats, were picking their teeth with what appeared to be metal claws. Their clothes were covered in holes as if they'd been shot at, but their bodies revealed no such damage.

"That was great." Logan murmured, retracting his claws. "These people really know how to have a bar fight."

Freddy grinned, retracting his own claws. "Definitely loads of fun." He agreed. "We should find Dor to make the food and drinks scream next time. It's always more fun that way."

Logan nodded. "I wonder if they have another bar around here." He went on.

Freddy shrugged. "We can easily find out." He replied, adjusting his black shirt, that was now littered with about five bullet holes. "We'll have to stop going places dressed like this. This was my new shirt."

"Tell me about it." Logan retorted, holding out the sleeve of his jacket. "I just had this fixed after the **last** bar fight."

Freddy shook his head. "You'd think they'd be considerate of a man's clothing." He muttered. "Some clothing ain't cheap for pity's sake. Wait until they fall asleep. I'll show them a thing or two."

Logan stopped short, sniffing the air. "No, she didn't." He remarked, looking around.

"Didn't what?" Freddy asked, confused.

Logan sniffed again. "She did." He grumbled.

"Did what?" Freddy prompted.

"Banner." Logan groaned under his breath. "She brought _him_ to Port Royal."

"Banner who?" Freddy demanded, still not knowing what his friend was talking about.

"Bruce Banner." Logan grumbled. "She's brought in the flammin' **Hulk**!"

Freddy raised an eyebrow. "The Hulk?" He replied, looking interested. "Well, we _were_ looking for a fight."

Logan sniffed again. "That ain't all." He went on. "I think they brought that nemisis of yours, too."

Freddy's eyes narrowed. "You're not saying they brought in that Mama's boy, Hockey Puck, Jason, are you?"

Logan sniffed, turning another direction. "Yep." He replied, following the scent.

Freddy glared, and quickly ran off after Logan. Obviously someone was wanting to have a big fight.

* * *

_****_

**Warning: Beware of the Orphie Pest.

* * *

**

_****_

**Warning: Don't say we didn't warn you.

* * *

**

_****_

At the docks, Cassi and Sven stood back, watching the boats make their way to shore. "Send Leon, Marcus, Kenny, Petey, Rosa, Sluth, Nick, and Sara to That Ship With the Stupid Name." Cassi ordered Julian, who was beside her. "I believe Steve's command is on the Pearl."

Julian nodded. "As far as I know." He replied. "I saw Denny at the wheel again. What do you want them to do with the crew that stayed behind?"

"As long as they don't eat them, there's no objections." Sven told him. "We can bring them back later."

"Aye aye, Ma'am!" Julian complied, giving a salute, and walking off to get Nick.

"I think he was in the Navy too long." Sven commented to Cassi.

"Yep."

As the three boats reached the docks, Norrington was back, hastily bottoning his vest. He was not wearing his coat, as it was sure to be taken again, and he'd only had one left. Unfortunately, he was also without his wig as he'd only had the one. His current state of appearence would have to do.

Sighing, he walked over to the dock, giving a smile as he recognized Captain Pellew, who was getting out of the boat. "Captain Pellew." Norrington spoke up, giving a nod. "I haven't the slightest idea as to what you're doing here, but we are certainly glad to have the extra hands."

"So we've already been told." Captain Pellew responded, waiting for his men to exit the boats. "We had a rather uninvited guest on the ship, who brought us here."

Norrington nodded. "I should be surprised at that, but after what I've seen here, I'm not surprised in the least." He remarked, eyeing the officers.

"Ah, forgive me." Pellew replied, remembering most his men had never met the Commodore. "May I present Leftenates Bowles, McMasters, and Hornblower. Acting Leftanant Mr. Kennedy, Midshipmen Cleveland, James, and Cutter, and the rest of the crew. We've left a few others on the ship to keep an eye on that Pirate Ship."

Norrington nodded, looking annoyed. "Yes, I've already been told I was not to be going near it." He admitted, looking disappointed.

"We recieved the same warning, sir." Captain Pellew informed him. "I believe the men found a few signs reguarding it."

"If he's the leftenant, who's the rightenant?" A voice asked, loudly from the dock.

The group turned to stare at the two young women standing on the end of the dock. It was the ones with the strange hair, and the man, Julian was standing behind them, still in uniform.

"While we're at it, what about the wrongtenant?" The one with the cat on her shoulder --Sven--went on.

"Is there a middletenant?" The one with the black and white hair --Cassi-- inquired, walking over the line of Officers, where she stood, eyeing Hornblower and Kennedy. "Nice shoes." She commented to Hornblower. "Do you have the matching purse?"

Kennedy started choking, and Mr. Bowles leaned over to whack him on the back, while Hornblower simply stared at her in shock. He wasn't sure if it were her comment or her appearence that was more distracting.

"Who is this woman?" Captain Pellew demanded, glaring at her.

"We're insane." Sven informed him. "Shh, don't tell."

Cassi walked around Hornblower, surveying his clothing and seemingly making him nervous, as he watched her. Finally she came back around in front of him. "Nice coat." She commented.

Norrington, knowing what was coming, opened his mouth to protest, but was quickly silenced when Julian appeared beside him, holding a gun to his head. "Go ahead, make my day." The Shadowman sneered.

"He's got a really nice coat too." Sven added, looking Kennedy's coat over.

As Sven circled Kennedy, the cat leapt off her shoulder, and onto Kennedy's digging her claws into the back of his neck.

Kennedy jumped and yelped, trying to get the cat off, but the cat hung onto the coat with her claws, and purred in his ear.

"Aww, she likes him." Sven remarked, looking impressed.

Hornblower eyed the blood on his friend's neck and winced. "If that's how she reacts to the people she likes, I'd hate to see the ones she hates." He commented before he could stop himself.

"Be afraid." Cassi retorted. "Besides, that's nothing. She only got him twice. We have permanent scars from her. . . amongst others."

"Not to be rude, but can someone get this off now?" Kennedy asked, wiping blood off his neck.

The cat instantly snarled, and growled before smacking Archie across the face, leaving three more scratches on his cheekbone before leaping over to Hornblower's shoulder, also digging her claws into his neck, while yanking on his hair as if it were a cat toy.

At this, the other officers quickly stepped away for fear the cat would jump them next, while Pellew watched his leftenant fight the cat off his hair with an amused look. The cat was still jerking on his ponytail with a mischievious look, using both teeth and claws.

"Tiny found a new cat toy." Cassi murmured, pointedly. "Good looking one too."

"This is Orphie Pest." Sven intruduced, petting the cat, who snarled at being interrupted with her newfound toy, before she returned to jerking on the leftenant's hair.

"Your pest is killing plants." Julian commented.

"Yeah, she does that." Sven answered, unphased.

Hornblower, with Archie's help, was trying to disengage the cat from his hair, as she clung to his neck. As Archie pulled her free of the hair, the cat let out another snarling growl and gave Hornblower a smack in the ear, resulting in another scratch.

Sven retrieved the cat from Archie as his friend wiped the blood off the side of his neck and ear.

Cassi's eyes widened. "Argh!!!! What are you **doing**?!" She cried in horror. "You'll get blood all over the **coat**!!" She gave Hornblower a brief brainduster, before walking around to look him in the eye. "I like your coat."

Unsure, he stepped back.

"Can I have it?" She asked sweetly.

Captain Pellew stared at her as Norrington groaned.

"No, you can't _have_ it!" Hornblower responded, indignately.

"Oh....okay." Cassi answered. "I guess we'll have to mug you for it then. And if you don't believe me, ask Mr. Norrington over there. Lucy got his coat, and I didn't get one."

Hornblower looked her in the eye evenly. "No."

"I'll shoot you for it." Cassi offered.

"Captain Pellew." Norrington whispered under his breath. "I don't know who they are, but they **will** shoot him for that coat."

"Mr. Hornblower." Captain Pellew cut in, walking over. "Take off your coat."

He stared at the Captain, aghast. "But sir. . ." The leftenant protested.

Cassi gave an evil grin. "Rob?" She spoke up.

"Over here." Came the response.

The officers on the docks turned to see a man holding what appeared to be a rather large gun. In fact, it almost looked to be a cannon.

"The coats, or we blow your ship up." Sven warned.

Pellew frowned. "You can hit the ship from here?!" He asked, before he could stop himself.

The one called Rob grinned. "This is a rocket launcher. From here I can blow your ship sky high, and take the Dauntless with it." He informed them.

"Now, I believe you were going to give us your coats." Cassi remarked looking at Hornblower. "So cough it up, Mr. Horror Show."

"Can I have the Captain's?" A voice spoke up from the end of the docks, and Becca came forward, eyeing Captain Pellew's coat.

Reluctantly keeping his eye on Rob, Hornblower slowly shed his coat, and handed it to Cassi, who tried it on.

Cassi straightened herself out, and turned around. "I like it." She mused, then turned back to the leftenant. "Don't take it so hard. You look really cute without it." She paused, before yanking the hat off his head and throwing it in the water. "And lose the hat. It makes you look like a total dork."

Sven gave Archie a pointed look, and he too, removed his coat, handing it to her. "Here, hold this." She told him, handing him the leash attached to the cat, and setting a large bag on the dock.

Archie yelped again as the cat leapt back onto his shoulder and settled down, after giving his hair a satisfied yank.

After Sven had the coat on, she picked the bag back up, and pulled her pest off Archie's back, causing the cat to once again snarl at being moved, although this time, she did not smack him. "You should put some alcohol on those." She suggested to the two men. "She actually uses the catbox, so I **know** where her claws have been."

In front of Pellew, Becca cleared her thoat loudly.

He eyed her then turned to look at the man with the 'rocket launcher', before he slowly took off his coat and handed it to her.

"Thank you." She replied, walking off.

"Just be fortunate she didn't decide to poke you to death." Cassi quipped, starting to walk off.

"Eh, Cassi?" Sven called out. "There was that one last thing we wanted to do."

"Oh right." Cassi replied, pulling out a small pistol. "Shall we?"

"Defintely." Sven agreed, pulling out her own. "Smile, boys."

Pellew stared in horror as they aimed the pistols at Hornblower and Kennedy and fired. The two officers dropped to the dock as the streams of water hit them in the chest, and before anyone could figure out what had happened, they were faced with two children in Naval uniforms, laying on the deck in shock.

The rest of the crew jumped back, in surprise.

"Aww, they're so cute!" Cassi exclaimed. "Look at how cute they are!"

"Can we keep them?" Sven asked, eagerly.

"No." The one called Rob answered in a flat tone. "We need to get going now."

"Why?" Becca demanded, disappointed.

"Because there's something we need to discuss." Rob responded, giving Cassi and Sven an annoyed look.

"Like what?" Sven remarked, indignately. "We didn't do anything."

"Jason." Rob stated, through narrowed eyes. "And that green monster you've brought here as well."

Sven gave a guilty look. "We were going to have them changed so they didn't cause **too** much damage." She defended.

"What are they talking about?" Pellew asked Norrington, who shrugged, looking confused.

"Something I have yet to see." The Commodore answered, as the group walked away, arguing.

"Not to be a burden, but what are we supposed to do with Mr. Hornblower and Mr. Kennedy?" Mr. Bowles asked, pointedly. "They can't fight like this."

The two children on the dock exchanged a look. What did he mean by that? They could see in each other's faces that they still at least had the brains of adults, and neither of them was about to be pulled out of a battle because of this.

"What are you complaining about?" Julian retorted, with a snort. "The Pirates are all five year olds anyway. It isn't even a fair fight unless we change the officers as well. Think about it. As you are, you may as well surrender now."

"And what would you know about this?" Pellew demanded.

Julian snickered. "We've done this before." He told them all. "And last time, the five year olds were confined but all escaped, and they all won the battle. See, they're not stupid. They have all the brain compacity they had as adults, and yet they can get where you can't. I would say that this gives them the upper hand, wouldn't you?"

The Captain frowned and looked down at the two children on the dock, who looked up at him. He could easily see they knew exactly what was going on, and exactly who they were. He could also see that neither of them were about to be taken out of the battle. "Leave them alone." He ordered Mr. Bowles.

"But sir, what if they get hurt?" Mr. Cleveland asked, surprised at the suggestion.

"You heard him, Mr. Cleveland." Captain Pellew put in, watching Julian walk off. "The pirates are all children."

"So we're taking orders from children?" Styles asked, looking indignate.

The Captain and Norrington exchanged an amused look. "Indeed." Pellew answered. "Mr. Hornblower and Mr. Kennedy, take your men into the town and see what you can find out. If we can't fix it, we may as well take advantage of it."

Kennedy and Hornblower flushed red, and looked at each other, wishing they could crawl under the dock and hide.

"Mr. Hornblower!" Pellew shouted, making them jump. "I gave you an order!"

"Aye aye sir." He replied in a nervous childlike voice, that made his men snicker and himself and Archie cringe. Not wanting to speak anymore orders, he motioned for the men to follow, as he and Archie scampered off.

Pellew grinned, and he and Norrington started laughing, causing the other officers still on the docks to burst out laughing as well.

"I must admit, I rather enjoyed that." Pellew murmured, as the children lead the men out of their view.

"Glad to know that." A small girl spoke up from behind them.

The officers whirled to see the little blonde girl. She gave a wicked grin.

"Since you're laughing already, you'll really love this one." She replied, evily, walking over to the other officers, and looking up into Mr. Bowles' eyes. "Smile." She told him, snapping her fingers.

The next thing anyone knew, Mr Bowles, Mr. McMasters, Gillette, and anyone else within six feet of her was instantly wearing frilly pink dresses, and the girl dashed away.

Norrington, relieved that it was anyone but himself, burst out laughing, as Pellew and the officers stared in shock. "Well, at least it wasn't me this time." Norrington managed to get out between gasps.

Pellew turned his stare toward Norrington. "This time?!" He asked.

"You don't want to know." Norrington retorted, motioning for the men to follow him. "You can find some more uniforms in the fort, and we may want to get the men there before they draw a crowd of people."

* * *

_****_

**Dot's Poetry Corner:**

_**Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet**_

_**And what a big tuffet she had.**_

_**So if you're feeling insecure**_

_**Just stand next to her**_

_**And then you won't feel quite so bad.**_

**The End.

* * *

**

_****_

Lucy grinned, triumphantly as she ran up to Captain Jack, who was now wearing the shrunken Commodore's coat. "How was that?" She asked, eagerly.

Jack grinned and returned the hug she gave him. "Tha' was beau'iful, luv." He praised her, laughing. "I think I've 'eard tha' Captain's name, an' I can' quite place i'." He went on, frowning. "'Owevah, lovely job on the Commodore, I must say."

Lucy grinned. She'd given him the Polaroid shot as soon as he'd found her, and he'd nearly died laughing so hard. "I thought it was." She agreed. "I told him you'd have it framed."

Jack grinned slyly. "Good idea." He remarked, grinning. "Now 'ow's about we go off and educate a few small Navy officers?"

"Right by your side." Lucy smirked, grinning, as the two took off.

* * *

_****_

**End Chapter Five......**

**Rest assured the five year olds number WILL continue to grow, as we've got major plans to change the good Commodore as well as the Captain "Pillow". **

**(Pause) And he DOES look dorky in that hat! So there! **

**Reviwer Responses...and we have not done this yet for this spoof, so there will be quite a few here.**

**Destiny's Dragon: That was actually a last minute thought. (grin) But it made for a great way to get the ship all the way from England. Currently working on the Two Towers Spoof where Archie has been drafted to play Faramir. (have you seen them together?) We compared pix of the two of them and it's so close a match it was incredible. Anyone wanna see? Email us and we'll send them to you.**

**Becca: Hey, the French Drag Queen was not their leader! He was a real jerk they were forced to ferry around to France so he could go on his spree of beheading people. No, the Officers didn't like it, but had no choice bot to go along with it. The end result? The people of France chopped the French Drag Queen's head off with his own guillotine. (no I don't care if it's spelled wrong) For those curious, we're referring to the Hornblower movie "The Wrong War" which was actually previously called "Frogs and Lobsters" If you haven't seen these movies, FIND THEM!!! They are FABULOUS!!!! (check the library Becca, they may have them there) About the Drag Queen...that French guy was wearing so much make-up, he looked like a drag queen, and Becca's seen the pix, so she knows what we mean!**

**Kekelina: No problem! You're not quite into the spoof yet. We are getting there and you should be in by the next chapter. Carter and Ardeth are also more than likely already five as well, so do you wanna be? (grin)**

**About ER, that doesn't surprise us. That whole series went down the toilet about the time Romano lost his arm. We were reading a list of the top TV shows, and ER was not even on the list anymore. They mentioned that there was gonna be at least three more seasons, but I don't think they'll make it that long. Acc. to our sources, Alex Kingston (Lizzie) is also leaving the show because they felt she is "Too old". So they'll probably send her back to England, we're assuming. Unless they decide to kill her off too.....**

**Megeara Angela Nicole McGuire: Sorry about the very long delay! Hope you have not lost your interest in the story! We were having a very bad year, and a very bad case of Writers Block. But hopefully, the updates will start coming faster now.**

**Huinesoron: Are you still reading this? As I said, I know people get frustrated when there's long delays. Anyhow, we did apologize and hope to make up for the delays with loads of insanity.**

**rhapsody-child-of-the-sky: Where've you been? We really miss you around here. Is your new computer okay?**

**Prince Chameleon: Hey! I used to be a split personality! (Cassi) I had to get rid of it though, because it was bad for my health. Now I just write spoofs to get rid of excess insanity. Oooh, almighty FEATHER DUSTER!!! NO NOT THAT!!! We had the trusty CRAYON!!!**

**Lady Deb: Haven't heard from you in a while. However, we know you get busy. Hope you're enjoying this! Because there's more fun to be had!**

**I believe that's all of them! We decided it was easier to respond this way then making another chap at the end. seems to frown on Author's note chapters, so it was easier to just respond to the reviews as we get them!**

**Anyhow, give us more reviews. We must have more. We believe they could be made out of heroin. **


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